1. GoGetters Community is no longer actively maintained, and will be closing down in the future. Thankyou for your participation in this project. [ Details ]
    Dismiss Notice

Goal Create three positive social outcomes

Discussion in 'Misc' started by Fundinn, Sep 12, 2018.

Goal: Create three new positive social outcomes within a month and two weeks. by October 15, 2018 (finished)

100%

Completed

Member Fundinn commits to the following actions to achieve this goal

Act upon the list in the post.

  1. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304

    Goal Approval

    As discussed, I want to branch out to new groups that can help me grow as an individual. It is one of the "rules for life" from Jordan Peterson's book: "Rule 3: Make friends with people who want the best for you."

    I've been struggling finding higher performers. And a telling example is the month of august I spent in a new apartment that had two roommates. I was boxing 4 times a week, working and fasting from 6PM to 9AM whilst abstaining from drinking more than a beer and meditating one hour a day and taking cold showers. The two girls said I was an "exceptional human being" and they couldn't believe the discipline I had(I didn't talk about any of it, but they got real curious). To me, it's a process, I can do better in many area's, but without strong examples I'll face the ceiling. And I thought it was funny because, until they had said that, it was just my routine.

    So copy-paste of the previous thread, I'll commit to the following and I want to meet three expectations.
    To repeat, the measure of success is if I get three expectations out of this list of 9. Some of these points mean more to me, so let's say that point 2,3,4 & 8 are bonuses I'll try to make happen, but might not(gut feeling) be game-changers.

    I'm adding some time to the challenge, it's my birthday and my mom's in 2-3 weeks.
     
  2. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Sounds good to me man. I'm curious to see what mental impact having higher quality people in your life has.
    And nice routine, that's discipline in action, even if it does only feel normal.
     
  3. Kostadin

    Kostadin Active Member

    Rating points:
    159
    Action points:
    337
    Result points:
    270
    I'm going to write this on a piece of paper and put it on my cork table.

    The goal looks good. I have a suggestion:
    Let's say you go to a Meetup, you meet some people, exchange contacts and your expectation (that you get invited somewhere) turns out correct. I think you should count it only if you feel satisfied with the end result. The first impression of the people might be amazing, but they might be not exactly your cup of tea at second glance, etc. I'm suggesting this because I feel you're interested in something more long-term, is that correct?
     
  4. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal approved!

    The community voted to approve this goal as Doable and SMART.
    Now, do your best to succeed! Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 16 Sep 2018.
     
  5. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    If I meet the right people(fit my values, etc) then yes, I would think of building something stronger. It's been difficult, I am haunted by Gandhi's saying: "Action expresses priority". A lot of guys talk about women flaking on them, but I find that everyone is flaking everything these days. I've struggled to setup simple coffee hangouts, everyone's piled up with shit. I'm very in-tune in how I spend my time, I have the uneasy feeling that a lot of people are completely, utterly caught up in the motions and don't give themselves much needed personal space to stop and think about their nature.

    Thanks for your input, you are absolutely right, no need nurturing a toxic relationship.
     
  6. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  7. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304

    Goal Update

    What I did regarding this goal. Also I want to note that I had started the goal a couple of days before posting it here once I had my expectations set, I wanted to get in motion asap.
    • Touched base with my other friend I hadn't seen in a while. I proposed we went to play basketball in a court to catch up. He said he had a big day on Sunday and that he would get back to me, but he didn't. I let it go for now because my schedule was already tight. I plan on talking to him again this week, or next week, depending on how my weekends look since we can't meet after work during the week.
    • Touched base with the Lawyer. He's struggling to close a case and we haven't been able to commit to meeting up. I think he's too busy, I tried twice. I'll give him some space, action expresses priority, I did my best.
    • Invited my best friend for sushi. I didn't have a set plan, but we talked about mortgages, housing and women. I feel like he's getting blue-pilled by his girlfriend. In any case, I don't think I'll get much more out of this. He's a loyal friend and I know I can count on him when I need service, so I'm grateful for that.
    • Reached out to my mentor on Friday with a decent e-mail. I had changed my cell # and he hadn't known, he said he had sent me a message on Thursday that we meet and do something. Call it fate? Haha. In any case, were going to participate in a sports event later in September, I'll have to keep in mind what I want to talk to him about.
    • I participated in something called a "Beer-mile" on Saturday. It involves drinking four beers while running a mile. It was dumb as shit, but I did it with some co-workers, and I notice these small get togethers help me connect with departments I don't deal with usually.
      • I left after the event, which is a bummer because there were a lot of people from the runner's club who organized it that I could have talked to and get to know them. I've noticed that the runner's club of the city are composed of bad-ass individuals. They all look fit, confident and seem to share a special relationship with pain since they train to do marathon's. I don't know if I have the time to join the club, between meditation and boxing and work, there's little room for anything else, but they are a wild, interesting crowd for sure. I'll have to think about it.
      • I was burnt out from my boxing practice and got lost in the mountains on my way back with my bike. It was an especially frustrating night. I ended up winning third overall in men's though.
      • I noticed that since I was competitive and on-point, there wasn't much to relate about. I'm starting to think that perfection is boring. One of our co-workers struggled on the fourth beer and the others started teasing him. I literally chugged all of the beers extremely fast, people could only keep routing for me, but it meant I was out of there reach. At least that's how it felt. I'm not going to overthink this, I kicked ass... moving on.
    • I won a contest to participate in a brunch with random people on saturday morning, hosted at someone's house. The place was in an upper-scale neighborhood. We were supposed to talk about biodiversity. I'm not exactly passionate about this topic, but I do find it important. I ended up being surrounded by women in their mid-thirties. Most of them had kids. The facilitator chick hit my chest at some point while we talked, I didn't think much of her, but I felt like, if I had flirted with her, it could have led somewhere. To be honest, I was mostly interested in the biologist who was supposed to be the "expert" for the meeting(he was my age and he seemed to have his shit together, humble and all). I ended up not taking anyone's contact though. I left feeling dejected and bored. I did feel bummed out that I didn't bother talking to the biologist when he went for a smoke outside. I need to ask my mentor about forging relationships with people who, may not really bring anything at this precise moment. I didn't bother because I felt like this wouldn't lead me anywhere.
    • I wrote questions aimed at the two CEO's of the place I work at. I plan on inviting them to a meeting next week.
    • I participated in something called "Zen day" at the temple. It's basically meditation from 7AM to 4PM. I left at 2PM, made up an excuse to have dinner with my parents in my head. One of the women asked me if I had planned to leave at 2PM, I lied and said yes, but it was unexpected to tell you the truth. I will make amends to her, cause I really think it was a weak, and shitty move on my part. I tend to lie on trivial things to avoid conflicts. It's been an on-going battle since my early childhood. Since I expect to find a teacher or something, I ended up signing up for a 3 day meditation retreat for my birthday on the outskirts of town. They told me the retreat would be headed by a very special dude who live's in France and that he was their teacher here, at the local temple. I don't like the idea of having a teacher who I can't see every week, but I do know that everything he does has been written down and is transmitted to us through "educational sessions". Maybe, finding a proper teacher in this realm is the work of a lifetime.
    • I went to two meetups.
      • A board game meeting up. It was cool. I was surprised by the 50-50 girl to guy ratio. I will go back, although I am careful to who I talk to, I've noticed that some of them are geeks or gamers, they are good company, but don't align with my long-term ideals. Otherwise, I met this smart chinese guy who's interested in Psychology. His critical thinking surprised me.
      • The other meet up was something called "speaking of truth". The host wrote a book on his personal experience after having to deal with a lot of bullshit in his life. I ended up being the only one who showed up. He's trying to become a life coach and he has had a blog for three years. He's an introvert, but doesn't have an issue talking to people in public, perhaps out of duty. I won't get into the details of what we talked about, but it was interesting. I'd like to meet him again, and probably support him and get his book. I didn't get the feeling he was fully 'empowered', but the way he explained concepts was grounded and made sense.
    • As for boxing, I talked to 2-3 people I never bothered speaking with. One of the guys I train with, who's pretty cool told me he went for swims at a lake out of town. I've agreed to join him. He is the second person I've ever done something with outside of the club in 5 years, so that's interesting.
    By writing this out, I recognize that I have done a lot more than I thought. I really put myself out there, but perhaps I lacked I feel like I see a lot of faces, that I'm comfortable meeting new people, but that it ends there. I'm not too sure what I could do about that. I want to get some opinions and I will talk to this with my mentor and perhaps the CEO's of the company in my question session.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

    Last edited: Sep 16, 2018
    James likes this.
  8. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    I'm not assuming you are, but trying to prevent this from happening will most likely be futile. I've got a friend or two who are the same. They have to make the mistakes and hurt themselves before seeing straight.

    Fuck, that sounds a right laugh man! Sounds like a great experience to bond closer with your workmates.

    Could you have stayed, or was something else of greater priority? It sounds like a great group of people to help further yourself and open you up to new experiences.

    Interesting point. I guess applying 'well, it won't hurt to try' will make sense in these situations. You may not feel it will lead anywhere, but you don't know it. Reminds me of this post destroying the 'What if?' possibility.

    At least you're honest with yourself.
    For what reason did you really leave? Did you stop seeing the worth in spending any extra time there? I'm glad you see your actions as weak, as I also feel that any 'white lie' is a sign of weakness and I also believe that any form of lying is a risk as I think it changes something in your psyche. Like, if you tell these 'little white lies', that they can add up, and may become habit, and your perception of reality and how others perceive you may shift slightly. I'm not accusing you of such - especially since it was such a small lie and you've accepted your wrongdoing - it's just something I've thought about in the past.
     
  9. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    Yeah, I'm not doing anything like that. It's interesting to see the patterns play out everywhere I go though.

    Didn't have any excuses, I was in a bad place physically from a strenuous day, all I could think about was my whole body hitting the bed for a long sleep session. I need to rethink what I value when I take the energy to show up somewhere. I seem to bail out more often than I'd like to.

    Good point, I'll keep that in mind in the future. I will try to rekindle some healthy curiosity for that, I think it could fuel me pursuing and getting deeper with people.

    It's a fair point. I think it all stems from a mild fear of being perceived outwardly as weak. And you are right, I should avoid letting these stack, they could shape a different image of what I think I am to other people. Kind of like believing I'm a good guy when all I do is manipulate and hide stuff syndrome I've heard of.

    And I left because I felt like "I couldn't be fucked with this anymore". They served small portions of food and I was like, I can eat a king dinner at my dad's place in 20 minutes if I leave now. There's also something tough about waking up at 6AM on a Sunday to go meditate. I felt like, at 28, maybe I should have woken up from a long night out with a chick in my hands thinking about what kind of brunch place I wanted to try. Hahaha. I'll say that a couple of thoughts convinced me I should take the easy way out.

    Here's a quote I've been repeating lately though, that's helped: "Easy choice, hard life. Hard choice, easy life." Jerzy Gregorek.

    Thanks for the feedback @Shaney96
     
    Shaney96 likes this.
  10. Kostadin

    Kostadin Active Member

    Rating points:
    159
    Action points:
    337
    Result points:
    270
    If there's such option as to go to 2-3 of the club meetings, without having to commit with something along the lines of membership, nothing stops you from going. When's going to be the next time you see a group (not just an individual) of interesting people?

    Well done for putting yourself out there.
     
    Fundinn likes this.
  11. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 5.00.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 23 Sep 2018
     
  12. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    Good question, I don't know. Lately I've tried not to scatter myself, I'm starting to feel like we might have unlimited potential, but we might want to focus down like a laser beam on what seems to be a priority. To be specific, I would say every 2 months I engage with interesting crowds, but don't get beyond knowing a couple of 'faces'.

    I'll look at both running clubs in the city and see what their program looks like.
     
    Kostadin likes this.
  13. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  14. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304

    Goal Update

    Other friend: I almost met the friend from point #4 who I lost touch with after changing jobs and traveling. We were going to watch the heavy weight title fight on Saturday, but he didn't anticipate how long a task would take so we didn't meet. We did talk on the phone though, which reminds me that we don't always have to meet personally to get in touch. I was the one who pushed this after a couple of attempts so I'm OK with the result. I also told him we'd catch up in due time. I was frankly quite tired from the week so it worked in my favor.

    Lawyer: Call it chance, but I bumped into my lawyer friend on Saturday, since I initiated our meeting with e-mails three or fours times it was a funny situation. Without saying a word he said: "Ok yeah, when are you free for our meetup?". We plan to meet on Wednesday, pretty satisfied to have been relentless, I know he had strong obligations in the past but he told me he's free, so we'll meet.

    Mentor: We are registered to participate in some kind of obstacle course on the 29th, it's an hour away from town so I'll get to talk to him 1 on 1 on the ride there too, very good circumstances, now to make sure I capitalize on that.

    Boxing: An old acquaintance invited me to watch the heavy weight title fight(same one as earlier), otherwise I talked to 3-4 other people, sticking longer at the gym after class. Someone said I looked like Gary Owen and some other girl said I looked like Tommy from a series called Power. I thought it was hilarious, I feel like everyone looks like someone, but it's interesting to get people's perspective.

    Meetup: I went to a meetup that involved drawing at a coffee shop. I was a bit tired since I went after work, but I met the organizer, she's a scientific illustrator and some other people, I'm kind of noticing who's company I like. She said I'd be welcome any time I want. Drawing isn't really a thing for me, but it was good to foster my creative side. I also noticed that introductions can be a great way to build strong first impressions. Instead of saying what I do in generic terms, I tell a story about me saving the world from corrupt computers who try to break down our companies secure networks. It's been good practice with the recent meetings.

    Zen: It doesn't seem like I need to ask for a specific teacher, I went on a morning sitting and an older lady conducting the meditation session gave me a bunch of tips and was quite enthusiastic about looking out for anything obvious I didn't catch. I didn't meet the other elder I lied to, so nothing to say about that. I've also noticed that in Zen, there's an emphasis on you figuring things out on your own, as it's more meaningful than if you get a ready-cooked answer by someone else. So that's something I need to keep in mind. There's a fine balance between seeking teaching and seeking help out of lack.

    CEO's: Nothing to report. I resisted speaking to them about my want to meet them, I'm going to try and apply the 5-second rule and get it out of my way.

    Other than that, I was supposed to host a dinner for some old roommates, but we changed the format to a brunch and I made two other people who were friends of one of the roommates. I'm the one who had put that idea forward, so I'm pretty happy that it ended up becoming something.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

  15. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Nice point. Perhaps many people also seek help out of laziness and simply not being resourceful/disciplined.

    It sounds like you're being very proactive. I guess you have to always make that initiation (and perhaps 'then some') when it comes to meeting with people, since people of course have their own lives and are also forgetful. Nice work man.
     
    Fundinn likes this.
  16. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 4.20.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 30 Sep 2018
     
  17. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  18. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304

    Goal Update

    Tough physical week. I was starting to catch a flu, got an upset stomach and a running fever that wouldn't let go. In any case, I did not let an ounce of this condition control my week.

    On Sunday I had put up everything on my calendar, it was a good exercise and I realized there was a lot going on.

    Monday afterwork, I had planned to rest, but I went boxing knowing that I would meet the lawyer on Wednesday, which is when I usually go boxing. Talked to a couple of faces, I realize I don't feel social if there's no "why" to an encounter, I still did some small-talk here and there. At this point I've talked to 80% of the group.

    Tuesday: I had a booking for physical therapy, dealing with an issue with my shoulder blade, so that stopped me from entertaining the idea of doing anything else. I did have lunch with a girl from the buyer's team, which was nice. I used the 5-second rule as I had originally planned to eat at my desk, but I felt like it was an easy way out. I missed out on a 10k run event with the runner's club, but it didn't sound like a good idea considering I boxed on Friday, Saturday and Monday.

    Wednesday: Weather was still pretty bad, after work the lawyer proposes we go boxing instead of playing basketball outside, followed up by some food and a beer. He was proactive throughout the day, that was good. I was bummed to go boxing again though, my muscles were sore. I go anyways. I don't seem him coming and the class starts. The coach comes to see me and tells me I need to call the layer ASAP(they know each other). I call and he tells me he can't show up, his girlfriend is super sick and she can't get out of bed. He tells me he challenged her on that and that he really wanted to see me.

    I felt off a bit, but with poise, I was wise enough to say it was all good, that we had personal duty. I tell him we can meet again with the same plan this Wednesday. He agrees and he was very sincere about the situation, so I had nothing against him. I go back to finish the boxing class, and I'm kind of laughing at this point, it seems that destiny wants to see me boxing, I was like : "Fuck man, I'm so tired haha, can't believe I'm stuck here again."

    Thursday: A decent half-hour of searching for something to do, but none of the meetups were interesting. I made the good move to work on personal projects and cook at home. I had already gone out practically everyday waking up at 6AM and going to bed at 11PM, I could feel it. I did go to the Zen center in the morning for two 45 minute sittings, I showed my face, that was nice since it's tough to wake up extra-early before work for this.

    Friday: Work and Boxing. There's a girl I haven't met that smiles at me from a distance, I smiled back at her, but now I'll approach her before I disqualify myself. Went to bed at a reasonable hour since I was meeting my mentor for a mountain run on the next day.

    Saturday: Met the mentor, we ended up spending the day together. It was everything and more than I expected. I was a good listener, we had a nice 7k run on the woods, he paid for my food, talked about changing the world and business. He's got some cool stuff coming up. And he told me that over the years, even if he met 50k people, being the independent man he is, he only kept a handful of individuals, so I told him that he better keep me on his fucking list(literally haha). He said I was the only one who was younger than him that he keeps on his roster, I was happy to here that. Only time will tell what will happen in the future.

    Saturday Night: A girl that comes to my city twice a year was in town, after spending time with the mentor I was done in, but I figured this wasn't a challenge if I didn't feel worn out. I decided to go see her at her friends. We spoke for three decent hours. She's very cool and I'm more than welcome to go up north to her place when I want. So that's nice. I had a migraine when I left and that affected my night, but I pulled it off with class. There was another girl at the friend's place who, in the past I told her that I wouldn't go grab a coffee with her(multiple times). It was funny to see her again, it was worth it to be assertive and to tell her to keep off my back and that I wasn't interested. She knew where she stood and I felt a sense of respect from her. In the end, I figure that with a deep sense of self-worth, it is up to us decide what 'gets to us' and what 'doesnt'. Were the gate keepers.

    CEO's: Used the 5-second rule as I felt some resistance to talk to the CEO's. I won't get into the details, but they will give me half an hour to speak with them next week. So yeah, I'm getting what I want. I need to be on my guard though, one of the CEO's who's 35 looks like he's 20, but he acts like an old-man. I get fooled thinking he's loose, when he's actually very straight and assertive. I'll be glad to get to know him better, I think he's unto something(duh).

    At this point in the challenge I am a bit tired, but while I was talking to my mentor I realized I had done a ton of stuff. It's been good.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

    Last edited: Sep 30, 2018
  19. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Damn man, sounds like a hell of a productive week, and an incredibly busy one.

    This guy sounds like a really good guy to have in your close circle. I mean, I don't know anything about him, but, from what you've described, he sounds somebody who possesses inspirational traits and knowledge

    Did she give you a "Hey @Fundinn I'ma be in town soon, hope you can see me" of some sort? Surely if she spent so much time with you and wanted to see you then there's some attraction toward you?

    Fuck yeah that's true. Stoicism in a nutshell. Nice work on not allowing others to determine your course of action against your will.

    Sounds like another top guy to get to know. Have you read How To Win Friends And Influence People? Having a glance-over at the summary could help in cultivating friendships with people so high up.
     
  20. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    I feel beat and battered! Haha. I do keep in mind to make sure I'm not running in a hamster wheel, being busy for the wrong reasons... having the ladder go up against the wrong wall, but it doesn't feel like that at all, so I'm good.

    Oh I've had my chances in the past, I actually friendzoned her. She's someone I want in my life for counseling, she's a great listener, she's got no BS and she knows a ton about growing crops and making things on her own. And if you want to know why I wasn't interested; it's physical. I know James talked about going beyond apparences, but I've met girls in my life that I was attracted both physically and mentally, and that's what I want. And I'd rather try to get the best instead of settling. And I feel good being on my own, I had a Japanese girlfriend I didn't like that much and only later told her and it really, really wasn't a good move to have kept up the relationship. Being upfront stings at the beginning, but it relieves me of months or even years of potential suffering.

    I read it twice and even made a cheatsheet of it. I found out later though that, the book has great principles, but it's better to get to the root of the problem. For example, if you aren't a good listener, instead of practicing good listening, figure out why the fuck you don't like to listen to people. You quickly realize there's way deeper in your psyche that needs to be dealt it, at the level of who you are as an individual. Great book though, if you can re-invent yourself and out of that rebirth embody some of the things the book talks about, you're a winner.

    Thanks for the feedback.
     
    Shaney96 likes this.

Share This Page