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Goal Get a date from daygame.

Discussion in 'Women' started by Shaney96, Jun 21, 2018.

Goal: I will go on one daygame-induced date. by August 9, 2018 (finished)

100%

Completed

Member Shaney96 commits to the following actions to achieve this goal

I will make daygame cold-approaches per week and will abstain from porn and masturbation.

  1. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Approval

    Basis of Problem
    It comes down to this:
    If I can get a 'basic need' (sex) met, and can be confident in my ability to meet and seduce attractive women, then I believe I'll be much more able to work on myself and will be more encouraged to work on what actually matters.

    Overview/Rambling
    Yes, I've been inspired by @Tom 's daygame goals, but also by my current lack of interaction with women. Call it needy, call it whatever floats your boat, but not having any sexual interaction with women for a decent amount of time is negatively impacting my headspace, ego, and feeling of self-worth.

    I find myself thinking about girls/sex too much throughout each day, and it frustrates me and makes it more difficult to focus on more important things in life. More importantly, it's sucking the joy out of my life and is reducing my self-esteem.

    You could say "women ain't shit", "focus on something other than women. Women will come naturally when you work on yourself", etc., and your points would be valid. However, I have been working on myself and, believe it or not, but women don't just magically appear from a *POOF* and spread their legs for you. You still have to take action, escalate, etc., etc..

    My point is that I'd be neglecting the elephant in the room if I tried ignoring sex and women and focused on myself. I've done this before as a means to rationalize my way out of cold-approaching and trying to meet women. What I've found is that I'll be working on myself, and at the back of my mind thoughts of sex and women would be niggling away.

    What Do?
    As you can see in the action commitment, I want to be approaching 5 girls per week. On top of this, I will try and abstain from porn and masturbation, as I've began watching porn again, and it's effects on my self-esteem have already been noticed by myself. I'm fucking off to do some travelling in 2 weeks, hence why I'm starting the goal today (to get 10 approached in prior to me leaving should enable me to travel with more confidence in cold-approaching in foreign countries, which should boost my confidence even more).

    Why This Goal?
    I want to see for myself that women are sexual creatures and that sexual freedom is possible. I see these women in porn and shit, and there's a reality gap: "Women are really like this? Apart from that one girlfriend, I've never seen women behave sexually like this. You're telling me women I see just going about my day are sexual in these ways?" You get the point.

    I want to have the confidence in myself that I'm able to approach and possibly seduce women I deem attractive. I want to destroy this ego of mine that wants to re-identify with the self that had never kissed a girl or even held hands with a girl, ya dig?

    Cold-/Warm-Approach?
    Things that WON'T count as a cold-approach:
    - Approaching/flirting with a shop assistant where you're using her job as an excuse to talk to her. If I go to a shop assistant and be direct, and don't ask for help (or whatever the excuse may be), then yes, this counts as a cold-approach.
    - Stopping to 'ask for the time' or some shit. This is fine to warm-up, but won't count toward my goal.

    There's no point being super analytical about what counts and what doesn't. Basically, any approach where I make my intent clear from the beginning and am not trying to hide such intent by using a prop, will count as a cold-approach.
     
  2. Tom

    Tom Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
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    Result points:
    221
    That's what a lot of people forget. 'WoRk oN YouRSeLf' is valid but if you make bank but have no game you will still struggle. A great man still has to be a great seducer.

    At the same time, if your self worth is dependent on action your self worth will fluctuate as and when the girls come - some weird ass roller coaster (but at least it has highs!).

    Sounds solid man, make sure you get some warmups in!

    Good luck.

    Main thing is to think fuck it and have fun.
     
  3. James

    James Host

    Very clear goal, good work.

    Sounds like Reddit stuff, the land of glib bravado. I guarantee you 90% of those guys spend an equal or greater amount of time thinking about women, and less time working on themselves, than you.

    Really, women should come to you when they notice your ambition, as it's not strength but it is predictive of future strength. And smart women will do this (Zuckerberg's wife is considered a classic case of this), and it used to be more common. But everyone's lazier generally nowadays, they want immediate satisfaction, so you've no choice but to bridge the gap.

    Always worth remembering that those women are paid. All women are sexual, but perhaps not in "those ways", which is probably a good thing.

    Yes, but anything you can do to avoid thinking about women does empower you. This is traditionally what monks are basically doing: women are banned from traditional temples, because the only way to stop a man thinking about women is for there to be none in his sight (contrary to popular belief, most monks do it for a brief period).
    As always, everything in balance. A time for work, a time for chasing tail, and more of the former.
     
  4. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal approved!

    The community voted to approve this goal as Doable and SMART.
    Now, do your best to succeed! Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 01 Jul 2018.
     
  5. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  6. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Interesting week. Met 2 sets of guys from an RSD group on Facebook from my nearest city for night-game and went down to London on Tuesday to help film and participate in some comfort zone challenges. I'll try to keep this short(ish) and to the point as to not bore you.

    Main Points:
    - The goal here is to cultivate daygame as a skill. I only made one proper approach (sorta) in London. I was sat beside a girl waiting for my train and opened by complementing her style. We got into conversation. Lasted for like 15 minutes and it flowed pretty well considering she'd just been robbed and had no way home. Got her number.
    - In London we filmed this one video where me and this guy started dancing in front of a busker outside the entrance to St. Pancras. That was pretty scary to begin with but got some older hispanic ladies dancing and this one woman with her kid. This one woman was spectating. Struck up conversation with this Greek bird. Couple of teases and riffed convo from her impediment preventing her to dance with us. Got her number.
    - This one girl watching us film tagged along and took part in a segment of our video. Me and the two other guys spoke a while with her when one had to leave. We were stood as a trio and I felt the emergence of a 'well now what should we do?' situation, which I've been in before in a group, so I took the lead and said we should find a cafe. Eventually the other guy has to leave so I'm left with this bird in a place in London I'm unfamiliar with. I take the lead and take us to grab a meal deal (student life, right?) and go to a park we filmed a video in. Teased and managed to 'kino' (fucking PUA terms man..) well. Left her and kissed her on the cheek. Got a massive wave of anxiety to kiss her on the lips, even though she showed many IOIs (and again). Got her IG but I felt a little meh that I didn't try and kiss her on the lips.
    - No porn or masturbating for a week now. Definitely having a positive effect on my mental state, I strongly believe.

    The three above points relate to daygame exclusively. None were directly me running up to a bird and communicating my intent, which is something I definitely want to gain confidence in doing. The below points relate to last Saturday, Thursday, and last night.

    Last Saturday:
    - Met with this FB group and got approaching. I found that I was quite okay with making approaches when with someone who gave me a little push/there was competition between us. Got blown out by a few sets. The feeling of rejection felt rather liberating. Saw two blondes I was scared to approach. Guy from group approached and I was like 'fair play man. Now I gotta go over', so I did and he introduced me. Got talking and that ended in a make-out. Girl was drunk so I felt no achievement from the set other than approaching. Approached one of those birds going around selling shots and got her IG after a convo. Later that night on the way home came across a metalhead and showed an 'IDGAF' attitude by opening the conversation with 'I'm going to judge the shit out of you' then proceeded to - jokingly - judge the band patches she had on her battle-jacket. Since I don't dress like a metal-head on nights out she was calling me a cunt and was serious about it. After agreeing & amplifying and negging her, she broke and entered my frame (God this sounds so PUA...) and began investing into the convo and started flirting a little. Got her IG.

    Thursday:
    - Met with one of the guys from that first group. The two of us weren't really in a good mental state and were too outcome independent. It was Thursday and therefore we were going out just as the England game had finished. Many places were closed and it was just a few bars/clubs that were open. Went to a club that I don't really like, but went there as I hadn't been there for a while and thought I may enjoy it for whatever reason. Full of very rowdy post-England game drunken lads. Absolutely rammed. Opened like 5-6 sets. One was going fine who had a boyfriend. The rest blew out rather quickly. I was in a poor mental state this night. Opened a 3-set on the street and they invited us to a bar. Didn't go great, opened another set in this bar to no avail. Eventually went home after catching the last bus. I had in my head that "even if the night's shit, you must persist." Although this was a night full of rejections, I believe it vital to progress as you must fail, fail, and fail again before you succeed. I saw my mistakes and I had a very negative, anti-fun mindset this night. I was providing little value to the interactions and my looks aren't good enough to simply win girls over by being an asshole and not giving a fuck.

    Saturday (last night).
    - Went to Nottingham in the day to buy some shit. Didn't do any approaches. Was so in my head. I must 'warm-up' by talking to people more. I did manage to converse with a woman in a queue and some shop assistants and a guy on the tram, but I was so in my head. When I was headed home I got a text from another guy from the FB group whom I was yet to meet saying "game tonight. 11pm" or something. I was like 'fuck it' and agreed to go. Got home and tried not to overwhelm myself with PUA/RSD videos but did watch one video regarding perfectionism, and I realized I'd been too much of an egoistic perfectionist recently. I've been having an all-or-nothing mentality and, because I knew I didn't possess the skills to be perfect, I would simply do nothing/minimal (regarding daygame anyways). Last night was good. I went out to have fun. We went to a club that played music I could actually dance to. I was in such a good mood. This one guy obsessed with theory was following me around like a little dog, and I remember him spurting theory at me while I was dancing on the dancefloor as he was just stood there looking awkward and stiff. Opened quite a few sets actually, got one makeout. It was a 2-set, but since this theory-lad was just stood there I introduced the girl farthest from me to him. They got talking and I led the set away from the bar to a quieter area. Me and this chick are kissing when her friend (who theory lad was talking to) pulled her away. I burst out laughing and was like 'bro, what the fuck did you say to her?!' He said he 'made it too sexual', and was too embarrassed to tell me what he said, which made me laugh.

    Afterthoughts:
    Fuck all this theory. Fuck going out and thinking 'I want to try technique X tonight and focus less on technique Y.' After so much reading, I find that I almost unconsciously 'apply' these 'techniques' naturally within conversation. I think after being in a relationship for a year where shit-tests were flung at me daily, that I'm naturally more adept and conversing in a positive manner with women and find that I never pedestalize them if I'm present, self-amusing, and focused on simply enjoying myself. When I was kissing those girls, I never felt any feeling of goodness from the validation, for I knew that I could do that at that moment without resistance - it's the times when I do things that push me outside my comfort zone that bring me a sense of fulfillment, hence why I believe I must focus more on this daygame aspect of things, for this is what brings the most fear out in me.

    If all this text is boring and shit, let me know to just cut the shit.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
  7. Kostadin

    Kostadin Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
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    Result points:
    270
    Shaney, the text isn't boring for me and I don't think you should cut it. While overanalyzing is something really bad, (and I think we all here have been in the mental state where our "hamsters" run faster than basic girls') I believe that going through an experience in its entirety is necessary if progress is what is desired. You didn't just write the field report, but also thought what could've gone better and took your lessons - and this is exactly how it's supposed to be done.
    You didn't mention anything about masturbation and pornography use, so I'd assume you didn't engage in such activities this week?

    Keep it going.

    edit: Your exact goal is a bit vague for me. In the very first post you mentioned that you'd like to be doing 5 approaches a week, but do they necessarily have to be "cold"?
     
  8. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Cheers man, I appreciate that feedback.

    Yeah, I only remembered this when rereading my goal and realizing I'd missed out on it.
    Webp.net-resizeimage.jpg

    Honestly, I think I'd be pussying out if they weren't cold and on the street in the daytime. I'm going travelling starting from next Thursday, and I believe I'd feel much more liberated if I were somewhat able to approach girls in the day. Whenever I'm in a new city I fucking love interacting with people, and there have been numerous occasions where I've felt paralyzed for not approaching people. This ends up in a negative feedback loop.
     
    Kostadin likes this.
  9. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Nice write up Shaney. Looks like you had a good number of encounters. I don't think you need to be specific about which technique you want to apply during an exchange. Declaring an intention for the day will be enough. You seem to say that you weren't getting fulfillment from those hook ups. You are quite lucid and self-aware based on the descriptions you put in about your mental state.

    You do seem to put on a lot on your shoulders though, stiffness is no good, but that's just stress, all you need to deal with that is more exposure(we all need it, consistently).

    And good job on avoiding porn, I'm convinced that it's really bad for the masculine psyche. Well done.
     
  10. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Completely agree. I believe that, after exposing yourself to a situation enough, you will be able to logically solve the problem specific to you. It's one reason why watching all this YouTube shit doesn't magically solve anything. Not only because to internalize something you must repeatedly experience it (this is subjective), but because each person has their own personal blocks which may need to be solved differently.
     
  11. Tom

    Tom Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
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    Result points:
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    Solid write up man. Inspiring. The camera stuff just confirms what me and @Fundinn discussed a bit ago, girls are drawn to a camera. Also nearly an instadate make out is insane for a first week XD

    My tip is find somewhere you are comfortable in. Mine is a Waterstones (a bookshop for you foreign brahs). In it I open everyone. Bullshit like 'hey, I was wondering if you could come up with some suggestions'. People seem pretty up to talk in there. I leave on a bit of a high!

    I have a circuit that seems to have the more approachable girls so I do the circuit and yolo a few shitty direct sets (yeah PUA terminology has it's purpose but it sounds so damn weird) following the waterstones high then move out.

    Agreed. I've quit for about a month now. Bashing it to girls you'll never meet all the time with instant 9/10 titties can only fuck up a brain.
     
  12. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Good call man. Usually I just walk around trying to make eye contact with people. When I see a good-looking gyal walk by I just shit myself. I have 'number-closed' in Waterstones before actually haha, so I think your idea is a really good, practical one actually.
     
  13. Tom

    Tom Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
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    Result points:
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    I think @Kostadin makes a fair point. With uni approaching, maybe practice some warm approaches and mix in some social circle building/game.

    The talent is hit or miss but everyone is usually (always?) very nice and will talk. 3 sets and I'm normally ready. Waterstones is where I got the digits from the 8-9 (she feels like a 2 now [yes I'm bitter]) who stood me up the day after! xD

    Also be wary of the really nerdy shy girl! They shit themselves! it's actually quite sad to see that either 1) your presence caused their adverse reaction or 2) they have significant social anxiety problems. Be aware and move on. Can negate some momentum. Maybe spot the nerdy girls first, talk to them first. If the reactions are shit, chat with others. This tells them you are just a chatty person and mean no harm and you rebuild any lost momentum.
     
  14. James

    James Host

    Good idea with joining the group. Specific-purpose groups help get work done.
    Usually. Unless you end up in one full of dudes who spend most of their time talking theory in a strange language, instead of approaching.

    I remember going to one of those groups once. The theory guys talking technique weren't the ones succeeding (mostly chatting with themselves), it was the keep-it-simple down-to-earth types who did the approaches (they also snubbed the theory guys). Which is consistent with real life: most relationships don't start because the guy knew 'techniques'. They happened because they were a match and he asked the ballsy questions.

    Hit the nail on the head. Like tennis. Yes it can help to read a book on it to get tips and help fix weaknesses. But unless you're playing every week and have hit a plateau, it's more like an obstruction than an aid.
     
  15. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 4.00.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 08 Jul 2018
     
  16. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  17. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Daygame cold approaches: 4 out of 5.

    Summary:
    I'm currently traveling and have done all approaches since being away from home. For the 2 days, I felt a deep pressure and sense of anxiety regarding approaching. I journalled a lot, and the thoughts were mainly over-analytical questions and statements, regarding myself and other shit.

    After babbling on and getting my head into a mess, I headed into the city and saw a girl stood alone. I'll detail more below. I'll provide some reflective/introspective shit at the bottom that you may find of some interest. Anyways..

    Approach 1:
    Just after journalling. Saw her stood at the corner (not a prostitude, thankfully), felt some approach anxiety. Walked past, and opened directly. Spoke for some time, I over-invested through overdone body language, but she asked a few questions. Ended up with a funny rejection of her pretending her phone was ringing and saying 'sorry, it's my boyfriend.' I shook her hand and parted.

    Approach 2:
    Got loads more AA on this one. Really good looking girl. I sat on a bench, she passed me, still didn't approach. Walked in front of her, didn't approach, let her pass me. Eventually I approached. Russian girl meeting friends, we talk for a bit. I lead us and we head to the metro. End up exchanging WhatsApp and I've used WhatsApp to text for logistics only. Set up a coffee date for tomorrow before her flight.

    Approach 3:
    German girl, direct again, but followed up my statement with an assumption, not allowing for any tension to build. Was with friends. Made small talk and she left.

    Approach 4:
    Czech girl. Assumptive approach, good conversation, giggling etc... After she parted she and back to ask for a photo with me (I accused her of being a hipster as she had an analogue camera, so she wanted to take a 'hipster picture.'

    Indirect 1:
    2 Slovakian girls. Indirect, using a prop. Conversed for some time, swapped IGs with them both. Wanted to open to help myself realize that attractive girls will still be receptive. This approach was done prior to Approach 2, so probably helped my mindset.

    Closing thoughts:
    I realize my goal is to cultivate the ability/strength/will to oversome approach anxiety. If I go on a date tomorrow, I will not feel like I have achieved my goal. The current goal state for me is essentially: "be able to approach a girl, by herself, of whom I'm attracted to. The reason for this is that I believe I 'act' (for lack of a better term) attractive enough in conversation, for I no longer pedestalizes girls (or not nearly as much as I used to.) Like, this Russian bird is very attractive, but I didn't find her at all intimidating once in conversation, and I could lead and maintain eye-contact etc., well. But yeah, once in conversation, I feel I'm okay, but I still shit myself a lot with regards to the initial approach.

    Mental Diarrhea:
    You know, even if I did end up meeting that Russian bird tonight (she asked to meet today, but I'm outside the city), and I did end up escalating and even if it did result in sex, I honestly don't believe I'd remain satisfied for long (other than post-sex satisfaction). I think this is me beginning to internalize 'outcome independence.' Although the result of the Russian girl approach was much 'better' than the first approach, I didn't feel much difference after either approach. After the second one, yes, I felt somewhat better as I essentially had validation that my interaction was done well on my part.

    I think the biggest thing TRP has done for me is teaching me that, as a man (or woman, whatever), we have near-unlimited potential; we can achieve massive success in any aspect(s) of our lives, if our will is great enough. Therefore, each 'benchmark' along the way, is simply that: something to physically inform you of your improvement. Yes, each benchmark offers joy - and so it should - but it should never represent your 'stopping point.'

    For example: "oh, I've gotten a same-day-lay, now I can stop cold approaching."

    "Oh look, I can play Angel of Death on guitar, better stop improving on guitar now."

    The difference between these two examples is that, in the first, we stop cultivating the skill, whereas, in the second, we simply stagnate. It's fine to 'stagnate' if you've reached your initial goal, but it shouldn't be something you stop doing.

    Anyways, I think that last bit got a bit "yeah, no shit!", but I think the point regarding outcome independence had some value.

    Until next week.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

    James likes this.
  18. Tom

    Tom Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Result points:
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    If she turns up goal done! Nice one man!

    RSD are now hyped to shit over IG. Even if nothing happens hopefully you have 2 hot girls in your followers for a social proof buff.
     
  19. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 3.20.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 15 Jul 2018
     
  20. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
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    First off, good job on those approaches!

    Great, I really like role-play and it works well.

    Good point, I think that were all trained talkers. It's something we do, perhaps not in a seductive matter, but it remains a skill we use in all of our interactions. Where as approaching strangers is not. You also notice that your imagination was blowing out what might happen out of proportion. Which is good, because it reminds you that what's going on in your head is not always accurate.

    There's a book called Mastery by George Leonard that goes covers the point you made and draws similar conclusions. Although it's a bit more complex, where you might stagnate or feel content in one area of your life while going for mastery in another one. Were multi-faceted, I don't know if pursuing mastery in multiple fields is healthy. It would be worse to rationalize to yourself that you are indeed pursuing mastery in all of your undertakings when you're clearly not improving, self-sabotaging yourself or don't know your motives.
     

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