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Goal Get a date from daygame.

Discussion in 'Women' started by Shaney96, Jun 21, 2018.

Goal: I will go on one daygame-induced date. by August 9, 2018 (finished)

100%

Completed

Member Shaney96 commits to the following actions to achieve this goal

I will make daygame cold-approaches per week and will abstain from porn and masturbation.

  1. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

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  2. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Direct approaches: 5 out of 5.

    Right, so some overall summary shit before I get into this:
    Got my phone robbed last Monday, so I'm on my backup (lost another at Christmas on my travels; pretty useless at this phone lark). Managed to see the robbing as an exercise in Stoicism, and managed to completely keep my cool and shit. Also helped teach me a few things about myself and my developing relationship with material goods.

    Anyways, this happened after that date with that Russian bird. Yeah, we met and talked. Logistics were absolutely fucked due to metro problems in a foreign city. She bought me coffee and I led the walk, even though she was telling me 'its this way' etc.. Finished the date with a kiss on the cheek. I pulled her in to kiss on the lips but she gave me the cheek. Glad I pushed for this as this is a big sticking point.

    I'm now almost a month without masturbation/porn, and I'm sexualising every semi-attractive girl I come across. The other day my self-esteem was at it's lowest it's been in a good while; I felt worthless. I learned that these external things mean little, and it's all mental. The day after I ate proper and found a Czech gym; I felt better. I know pussy ain't everything, so I'd eventually like to get to a point where this is internalised through experience, but I think I've mentioned this before. Anyways...

    Approach 1:
    German hiker. Complemented outfit, no sexuak tension. Small talk. Eventually leaves to see friends.

    Approach 2:
    2 set of girls from Milan. I wanted to do a 2-set this week; this was my goal. My mind told me no, but my feet went and walked over. Kinda awkward as I opened as this scammer was trying to do his work on them as they bought a train ticket. Said she was beautiful and, toward the end of the interaction, I feel this girl may have wanted me to ask for a number, but I got pretty uncomfortable and was like "yeah, I just wanted to say you were beautiful, see you". Lesson from this is to 'always be closing' and to wallow in the sexual tension.

    Approach 3:
    Tall, olive-skinned, blonde girl from town I'd visited that day. Dressed like some model and had an intense resting-bitch-face with shades on and earbuds in. Possibly the most 'intimidating' and attractive girls I've seen this holiday. Passed me and I followed her.. I bailed. Go to the metro and she's in front of me heading to the same line.. I bailed. She stands at the line and I don't approach. She leaves and I'm like 'well, guess it's too late now lad', then she returns and stands a few metres away... I turn and just walk up to her. As soon as I tap her she takes off the shades, whips out the buds and smiles. I say something like "you caught my eye, I wanted to say hi", then we converse and get on the metro. Conversation is good and we get a vibe going. She has to leave for a stop. This was a good reference experience.

    Approach 4:
    Cute Prague girl. On the day I felt like dogshit. Followed her and decided 'fuck it'. Shitty approach but managed to try and close, which of course got a rejection. First time I felt worse after approaching, but man, my headspace was fucked that day.

    Approach 5:
    I'll have to reread through my journal, but I'm sure I did 5 direct approaches this week.

    Indirect 1:
    Girl in sandwich shop. Translated shit for me, then I asked if she'd join me. Ended up sitting at a park with her, then I got my phone robbed. She was kind enough to take me to the police station where I reported it.

    Indirect 2:
    Prague student. Asked for directions. Ended up sitting beside her and eating her pizza with her as she was 'full'; I wasn't complaining. Got her Facebook. Messaged an 'it was nice meeting you', to which I received no response.

    Indirect 3:
    Danish traveller. Opened by mocking her for looking at a map. Ended up walking with her for a while.

    Close-close:
    Left a club with cute English girl, her mate was with my hostel mate. First night out in Prague so no idea what place to hop to. The girls bailed so me and the guy enjoyed some strip joint entertainment. I should've kissed the girl earlier as I never did; she got bored. Don't let a girl get bored. The worst thing a girl can feel is nothing.

    It's cool what a 'hey', followed by a short conversation then a 'want to join me for X' can get you. Like, I had a 4 hour interaction with some Aussies today after I suggested something after a short conversation. Like, I know I'm in a touristy city, but it doesn't strip all legitimacy from the point.

    Closing summary:
    I've had no sexual interaction in almost a year and I believe I'm determining my value on my sexual experience. I don't think I'm a piece of shit, but I sometimes feel shitty when I'm in a common room and there's guys around me who just come across as pretty weak guys, whereas I'm talking to attractive girls and I can only think "well, I still won't be getting any and most of these guys get more than me". I mean, I believe that "everything makes sense", you know? Like, there's always logical reasoning behind everything. I feel my lack of experience is due to having lived in a small town since my breakup and not exposing myself much. Then I've come travelling, and am shit (and really dislike) at trying to pull in clubs, and most importantly: these are all very short-term friendships/meetings, and I'm not physically attractive or seductive enough to get a girl to want to fuck me in such a short space of time. It's not impossible, but I don't think I currently have developed the skillset nor sexual confidence to just fuck someone after knowing someone for a day or two.

    Yeah, so I know sex isn't everything, but God have there been so many frustrations this trip. It's on my mind so fucking much, and it takes the joy out of things a lot of the time, even if it's just that sex is there as an underlying thought in my subconscious.

    I believe that I'll have something of an easier time when I'm back at Uni and may be in a few societies. I think I've been coming across needy a bit because I'm seeing pussy as something I need to 'achieve' and that it's something being withheld from me, or something.

    I kinda predict I'll go to Uni, hopefully get some cold approaches in, get laid and have a girl who's into me, re-realize sex isn't a big deal, that's it's like water, and sex will no longer be at the forefront of my mind.

    This week's been pretty cool in that I went on a date with some fit Russian and got over some intense AA. What was also interesting was that the Russian was a proper golddigger. She wore a wedding ring but would only marry him if he bought her more shit. Pretty joke that it was probably her boyfriend who bought me that coffee.

    Anyways, I hope to get some approaches in tomorrow as I'm at a festival for like 4 days then will be on a coach travelling.

    Peace.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

  3. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    It's insane how much they are needed too. i just dropped my old lumia 635 and now half the screen doesn't work. I can't call or text.

    Something to always bear in mind, usually the most intimidating girls are the most receptive for assume 1) they know they are hot and appreciate the balls on dudes who approach 2) they are used to it so can respond better than the socially anxious 6.5/10

    It will translate. Instadates are legit, just a bit tricky with logistics in a city in the UK. All this means is you ask, get shutdown more, so you end up with more numbers than instadates.

    Agreed fam. These little shitty towns in the Uk are ghost tpwns of pre established tight knit social circles and relationships. If you didn't get out when 18-20 it seems like an uphill battle. Still, it's behind you, you know exactly what to do at uni.


    I'm the same, hence why tinder wasn't working. If logistics and seductive skills are lacking it's solid as fook. regardless of what the red pill and pua teaches there are enough girls who will wait/have no seductive skills and never met the chat who bones her first date who will have to wait and will enjoy a slowish paced journey with someone she likes.


    Fuck it, escalate with everyone you want.
    The key is to have something legit to bring them back to your space (so I've read ;P) be it some interesting alcohol, a cool view, a cool place to chill ect.

    As always:

    Comparison is the thief of joy
     
  4. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    Very true. The last approach I did I asked if this happened often... She said that it did and it's not uncommon, and that's why she reacted with such indifference.

    I do indeed. I feel like you in regard to how you're building your skills for the convention, and me with Uni.

    I'll give it a go. I'm more focused on just talking to everyone. It's a very small (~1000 people), extreme metal festival. On the coach now and it's just guys and one couple. I'm at a bigger city next week, so if I manage only few approaches, I'll make up for it.

    Ha, you're goddamn right. I need to practise forgiving myself for not being perfect. Like, although I read shit I often find myself still talking myself down and shit, them berating myself for having done so.

    Cheers for the response dude.
     
  5. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

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    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 22 Jul 2018
     
  6. James

    James Host

    @Shaney96 Have you worked out what you really want? I.e. what your specific type is? It's a big part of it. Sure you want someone, but if your body just isn't into it it won't help you "cloud your judgement" i.e. help you set aside your internal blocks. Hurts more when you fail when you really want it, but the odds of success also go up.

    I believe the SAS have a famous saying :)
    Always have a plan for when things go right, as well as wrong. Man, the detail I used to go to. I'd not only scope out where to hop to beforehand, but I'd actually go inside and look for sofas and the best parts of the room, check how busy it was, etc; I'd path it all out. I'd have stamps on my phone's map where a hotel was "in case" (if I didn't already have one). I'd deliberately make the line of hops go towards it or towards somewhere with a lot of taxis. I'd have my "plausible deniability" lines ready. And so on. Got to have a line of stepping stones across the river.
     
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  7. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Not totally. Sexual comfortability (whatever that exact definition is) and to cultivate approaching and general socialisation as habit would be general goals.

    In regard to type: since being at this festival, I guess metalhead girls kinda are my type. I feel this since I feel some decent anxiety when wanting to approach them, but that may because they have that "I love Satan" look.

    Good point. I guess I don't really expect myself to succeed, so I'm like "well, looks like you done it boy. Now what?" when I do succeed.
     
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  8. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    All of my best hook-ups happened when I really wanted to be there and I was having fun, I wasn't thinking about meeting girls or trying to act on an agenda.

    I don't know about you, but maybe it's time to look at what you would find enjoyable for yourself, without ulterior motives.


    I've been thinking about this lately, but the absence of a paternal figure & masculine role-models, the lack of rituals/initiations into manhood and the condemnation of the patriarchy has really changed the social landscape for men(and conversely women). Contraception also means that girls get to have sex with whoever they want without the need of a commitment. I don't think though, that their is any clear winner right now. Were in this transitory phase. I'm seeing role-reversal happening, and it doesn't seem like a girl that fucks a bunch of guys and then settles for a beta while having an affair on the side with a plate necessarily has a "great" life. It sounds fucking horrible to me. Some of those chicks are doing it cause they can without forethought.

    What this means to me is that, average guys who aren't getting the sex they want or need shouldn't feel bad for their lack when they do date and make attempts to get laid or meet a women. It doesn't mean we ought to blame our circumstances, as they say: "It is time for you to take responsibility for what you aren't responsible.". I do think it's important to understand the variables at play right now though, if you know the landscape, you have arguments against your ego to say: "Wait a minute, I'm being a high-chair tyrant."

    I think about my grandpa too, he was born in a small village, became a farmer and met his wife when he was 13. I can't even fathom how different our mentalities would be.

    In any case, I'll close this with this remark: "What you aim at determines what you see.", it's from 12 Rules for Life by J. Peterson, it's worth thinking about.
     
  9. Gort

    Gort Robot

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  10. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Result points:
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    I fucking hate the conflict this causes for myself. I believe it's purely the Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). This one bird at my last hostel said to me 'I like how you do your own thing and don't do things you don't want to, just because others are doing them'. This was quite a heartfelt comment, but I feel I only came to become so comfortable was because I was at this hostel for 8 days.

    The point is this:
    I feel I should be doing things that have the potential to induce growth, even if I truly do not want to do them. This ends up in me feeling persistently pressured to do things and I struggle to find joy in all that I do.

    For example, there's a pretty natural alpha in this hostel I'm staying in for the night. Tomorrow I have to check out at 10am and get a 6 hour coach soon after. He wants to go out clubbing and, since I know that there's the likelihood that I'll grow somewhat from going out, I feel myself pressured to go out.. even though I know I'll feel shit tomorrow for travelling and would much rather get an early night and get up and go to the gym and travel feeling okay for having been to the gym...

    Yeah, if she's basing her state of joy on these external factors, then yeah, that's incredibly unhealthy for sure.

    Yeah, hence a lot of anger from guys.

    And I'm not totally sure why I do find myself getting down so much for this lack, considering I'm aware of this role-reversal, RedPill stuff, etc..
    I guess it's something to do with having some conditioning in place - what that exactly is, I'm not totally sure - while also feeling like I'm 'lagging behind' in regard to sexual experience. "Comparison is the thief of joy", yeah, I know, and this is something I still need to fully learn, as it's a bad habit I still slip into.

    I had to look up what a 'high-chair tyrant' was.
    I can definitely see this in myself in regard to the perfectionist aspect. I prefer criticism over complements etc., but when it comes to self-expectations, it's very rare that I'm ever satisfied with myself.

    Example:
    I was at this musical festival until yesterday. I went alone and managed to get speaking to an English couple. I got introduced to some of their friends and they offered to let me pitch a tent near them. I spent time with them and conversed with different people throughout the festival. I got some contacts and may festival-hop with one or two of them in the future. This was somewhat challenging for me. But oh, because I didn't cold-approach girls? Well, that a failure for me...

    I'll let this sit with me for a while...
    So if I'm so focused on my shortcomings exclusively regarding women, then that's all I'll see?
    Or that I'm just aiming at getting laid, so all I can really see is my lack of getting laid and am thus 'not achieving', and am therefore feeling dissatisfied with my life?
     
  11. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Direct cold-approaches: 0 out 5.

    Summary:
    Don't specifically recall what happened Sunday through Tuesday; spent some time exploring the city, going out with people from the hostel, met up with old workmates. Wednesday through Saturday I was at a festival. Today I awoke at 13:30 (12.5 hours recovery sleep from festival) and have felt pretty shit today due to wanting to awake early and go into Prague to daygame. Woke late, felt shit, then relapsed. Felt poor so went to the hostel's gym. Now sat writing this up then going for dinner.

    Interactions/points of growth:
    - Only been drunk once this trip, and that was for a beer crawl. Other nights I've just gone out sober. Went to karaoke with the hostel and sang; my singing is shit and I felt pretty uncomfortable when I realized singing Brown Sugar with some black girls in the audience probably wasn't the best idea... Anyways, it was fun and I enjoyed feeling the anxiety.
    - Hit on pretty hot Czech girl in local town. I was convinced she'd show no interest, but after coming over to check everything was okay, I thought 'why not', and got her IG after talking for a bit.
    - Asking to sit next to this metalhead, then including myself into the convo when his mates came. Ended up being a fantastic interaction and got a great picture with them at the end.

    Notes:
    - Meditation, journalling, and the gym are vital for my headspace, currently. Meditation and journalling are things I do each day, but, since travelling, the gym has been much less accessible, and I've only been twice so far. I underestimated the impact it can have mentally.
    - I'm not comfortable with my current body fat percentage, and I believe this knocks my confidence whenever escalating a little with a girl. Like, the beginning of my interactions are fine, but then I feel less confident whenever physicality makes it's appearance. I feel 'well, if I'm not happy with my body, how can a girl be so?', and I believe this subconscious thought helps dampen interactions.

    Anyways, off to my next city tomorrow, and I hope to be able to cold-approach 'naturally', and hope I can work on my headspace and focus more on enjoying myself without letting sex get too much in the way.
     

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  12. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    After some reflection, I think I can more specifically diagnose my current (general) state of feeling lackluster:
    A couple of years back (fuck, that long ago?) I was a virgin and had no sexual experience, yet I was feeling some joy in every one of my days. I had a job that allowed me to consistently interact with others and help customers, and also allowed me to practise talking to girls. I was also regularly attending the gym, eating very healthily and strictly, played video games (I guess this did add some joy into my life and served as a reward for my efforts in other facets of life), and was learning guitar and a new programming language.

    Currently, I have little idea for life-direction, have no close friends that I regularly see, don't have any hobbies I practise - and look forward to practising - every day, and only socialize when I put myself out there (by this I mean: I'm currently travelling, so if I want to talk to people, I must make conscious efforts to go out looking for strangers to talk to).

    With this information, I can say that I feel I'm kinda in some sort of limbo; I feel I lack some kind of 'life foundation', you know?

    So far I've done 8-9 direct cold-approaches, have been on multiple instant dates, and one date after getting a number. All of this in 2-3 weeks, and is more 'progress' than I've made in the last couple of years (one of which was spent in a relationship). The fact that I feel little joy from this tells me that this isn't my 'problem', and holding onto the idea of 'getting laid will solve anything' is naive and futile.

    The solution? I don't know.
    I intend to develop that website more when I get back, and really focus on getting my body more toward where I want it to be, while also joining a society or two and establishing some friendship group(s). I really do want girls to be more at the back of my mind, and strive to find some more direction in life.
     
  13. James

    James Host

    The only solution for any of us is to persevere. Unfortunately our 1st world culture makes this harder on us because we're raised in such comfort versus the "natural average" of comfort, which is much lower, and so we're weaker to discomfort than we should be. It is definitely hardest when you don't even know what it is you're aiming for, what the "end game" is. And the only solution to that is faith. You may not know precisely what the "good outcome" will be for you, because life is full of uncertainty (one of the greatest discomforts of them all). But you do know you only ever uncover it through hard work.

    And so we grind on, as it's manly and the right and honourable thing to do, and one day each of us with prevail as long as we do so.

    Having friends is nice, but the primary issue with this is that now well known rule: you are the 5 people closest to you. We saw this effect with Jack, who couldn't escape the downward pull of those around him. He wanted to rise up, but then you start to buck against the group that was aligned with his original status, and they pull you back in. Friends tend to be a reflection of yourself, and unless you and your friends were attracted due to you all being go-getters, they tend to drag, so selectivity is the most important thing.

    As for life foundations, the basics will always be the ones this forum deliberately centers on: money, women, physique (in that order). A good life means a big income, a good woman, and a strong healthy body. From that comes all of the secondary foundations: respect, family, freedom etc. They all share one thing in common: they're hard to get. This is why the true foundation is always the man in the mirror and his mental strength.
     
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  14. Kostadin

    Kostadin Active Member

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    Now, I may be young and absolutely inexperienced in the sphere, but I understand your frustration, even though in a different way. It's good that you don't set women and sex as your final goal, but saying that getting them won't solve anything is a plain lie that you're saying to yourself.
    That's only going to happen when you get the girls. Blame our biology for this. I believe in the idea that women are a "lagging indicator" of the man working on himself, and they will eventually come to you. But when they do, will your game be on point that they stick around? You're going to university soon, right? Find a bit of time to practice with women in-between doing your other things for the rest of the summer, it is going to pay off.
     
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  15. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    Yeah, that's interesting: so at points of feeling aimless you must trust that faith will take its course and that your efforts will be rewarded in some way. As you say, people love certainty and predictability, so a lack thereof makes for discomfort and uncertainty.

    A phrase I've had in my mind for a while. Probably the reason I only consider myself to have one real friend - whom I've seen once this year. I feel this is a point of strength on my part, for I have not clung onto any temporary friends out of loneliness/neediness. Instead, I am waiting/working toward friends whom I desire; this is a long and painful journey - a year in a relationship where I was not looking to expand my friend group, followed by an internship with many people whom I related little with, and now solo travelling - but I know will be worthwhile.

    I'd argue physique (if we're including health) > money > women. But my perception of this my change as I grow and age.

    This reminds me of a fucking beautiful poem a read once, I think it's title is exactly "the man in the mirror", and perhaps this is why you structured your sentence as such.

    Thanks for the reply James. What I time from this is to persist, persist, persist. "The obstacle is the way". I still believe I'll feel conflict regarding FOMO Vs doing what I want, etc., but I'll try embracing these moments as part of the process.
     
  16. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    It'll solve my dicks frustration, that's for sure. Nah, but for real though, I think it will only lessen the mental pressure I put on myself and will help me realize that I have potential and will help develop my comfort with myself.

    Perhaps you read the same post/comment on TRP as I did, as this phrase has stuck with me ever since; this is why I believe I feel frustrated: I believe I've grown mentally, in various facets, and received no fruits ( in the form of sexual contact with women).

    It's possible that I miss signs of 'woman growth' (for lack of a better term) since I'm focused purely on sexual interaction? A year or two ago I'd never have thought it likely for a fit Russian bird to be sending pictures to me of her in her bikini wanting to meet up? From this I barely felt rewarded, for there was no sexual engagement on our second meetup; so this means no 'woman growth'..? I think no; I feel I have grown, and that women have shown more interest, but that I've only focused on sexual engagement rather than overall engagement, and that sexual engagement could ensure, given I'm more sexually confident, for my lack of game is most likely the culprit for lack of sexual activity.
     
  17. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Sounds class xD
     
  18. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    the kind of shit i need to read
     
  19. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 2.20.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 29 Jul 2018
     
  20. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

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