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Introduction

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Anon_143, Jan 2, 2018.

Goal: Quit Porn by March 4, 2018 (finished)

100%

Closed

Member Anon_143 commits to the following actions to achieve this goal

Will not watch porn for the next 2 months

  1. Anon_143

    Anon_143 New Member

    Rating points:
    4

    Goal Approval

    Hi ,

    This is Anon from India and I fit most of the streotypes thrown around at us . I am 25 , work in IT , never had any relationship with girls .
    And no I don't send creepy, "show bobs" and "show vagine" messages on Facebook to girls .

    I am pretty regular at gym 4-6 times a week but kind of hit the plateau because of my other lifestyle habits .
    I drink almost every other day and took up smoking again after quitting for more than one year. Recently my porn consumption has been growing like anything and I jerk off 4-5 times a week .


    As far as finances are concerned , I have a pretty steady job and I manage to save a few bucks at the end of the month . Been investing in stocks for past two years and my wealth has been growing consistently.

    The thing I am most concerned about is my anxiety when approaching or talking to girls .

    Looking forward to support and grow together with this community .
     
  2. James

    James Host

    Welcome to the crew, @Anon_143, and good work on the gymning.

    Regarding the anxiety, what work have you done so far towards getting comfortable talking to girls? Perhaps you could start a brainstorming thread in Women about this.

    Also, for the goal, it looks cut-and-dry, but tell us more about your plan for avoiding porn.
    What are you going to do to head off the habit? I.e. when you get the idea or desire to watch porn, how are you going to respond? (e.g. going for a walk outside) And what are you going to replace that time with? It's very difficult to stop a habit cold, without a clear plan how you will break the cycle, and what you will replace it with.
     
  3. Anon_143

    Anon_143 New Member

    Rating points:
    4

    Thanks James for the reply .
    I am still not comfortable talking to girls directly and neither I am in social situations where I can talk to them except at work but you don't shit where you eat . Downloaded Tinder and got like 4 matches in past 3 days . Yet to start with any conversation with anyone .


    Regarding the Porn stuff it usually happens when I got nothing better to do , especially the weekends . I have given myself the goal of reading 1 book per week . Just finished The subtle art of not giving a fuck and now starting with Iron John by Robert Bly .

    Will try to make my goals more defimed going forward .
     
  4. Jack

    Jack Member

    Rating points:
    49
    Action points:
    62
    Welcome Anon_143, nice to see new members from around the world!

    When you say you aren't comfortable talking directly to girls, do you mean in any way at all, or do you mean escalating out of casual conversation?

    Also you say you drink every other day and smoke, is that drinking socially or alone? And obviously yeah, smoking isn't great especially when you've relapsed, but you already know you can quit so it should make it easier when you decide to do so again.

    I found learning to build my confidence while I was sober was worth a million times more than when drinking. You can't really replicate your own behaviour after a few drinks when you are sober again, to me it just feels like that confidence isn't there anymore, so I think it's detrimental to growing out of anxiety. If you aren't drinking to get drunk though obviously ignore all that.

    It sounds like you already have a solid way of managing your goal, just don't give yourself the time to consider watching porn. Good Luck!

    I'm also jealous of your matches, I haven't tried tinder but i was lead to believe it was harder to get them than that, if you aren't planning on messaging them at all you may as well use the opportunity to practice, just start a conversation by talking about something from their bio or pictures and try to have fun with it.
     
  5. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    Welcome @Anon_143, wish you the best of times at GoGetters!

    Is that something common? Where did you get that idea?

    Do you have a gym buddy you can train with? It's nice to have someone who can challenge you and vice-versa.

    Vicious habits. The one you would need to be careful about the most though is porn. Since you expressed the desire to become better at approaching/talking to girls, I'm sure you understand that porn consumption leads to duplicity. In other words, I doubt you will openly talk about your porn addiction to a girl, you will probably try to show your better side. That enters in conflict with your personal life, which leads to a lack of integrity.
     
    Jack likes this.
  6. Anon_143

    Anon_143 New Member

    Rating points:
    4
    That was a very well thought out reply Jack . Thanks for that definitely

    Thanks Jack for this very well thought out reply .
    I will try to summarize my situation .

    Regarding the girls thing I am not very comfortable having any conversation at all unless I don't know them particularly well .

    Smoking and drinking is something which I do alone as with my couple of good ol friends. I go out 3-4 times a month and whenever I try to make any moves I come across as very awkward and moreover most of TRP content is not easily applicable in my country which is still coming to terms to western values.
    One night stands and hookups are very recent concepts over here . You are right about approaching sober part but I never get the dgaf attitude when sober . Will definitely try it though .


    Even I am surprised by the Tinder matches but its more to do with tinder plus that I got straight off the bat after installing it and some good tinder advice found on TRP . First thing I spent money on new years . I messgaed 1 girl last night with your advice but got no response .

    PS I am mobile . Typing is not so fun .
     
  7. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal approved!

    The community voted to approve this goal as Doable and SMART.
    Now, do your best to succeed! Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 07 Jan 2018.
     
  8. Jack

    Jack Member

    Rating points:
    49
    Action points:
    62
    oh man you are in for a treat, if you get a min go have a look at /r/indianpeoplefacebook/ it's a just memes but some of the posts are pretty funny!

    This makes me think you should take a moment and examine why you do these two, is it escapism, addiction or because you genuinely really love to drink and smoke, in which case which is more important, instant gratification or your long term growth?

    I'm only a little ahead of where you are man, I'm guessing these things are a constant struggle for people who are learning to be better.

    I think you just have to get some exposure to situations that make you feel uncomfortable, maybe a goal that involves just talking to more women/girls with no pressure of trying to chat them up, literally just say anything. I bet if you did that a couple times a day for a week you would see improvements, I'm also sure some of the more experienced members here could give you some good advice on how to start and hold solid conversation with new people.
     
    James likes this.
  9. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  10. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Update not submitted.

    The goal update was not submitted within the time limit.
     
  11. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  12. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Update not submitted.

    The goal update was not submitted within the time limit.
     
  13. Anon_143

    Anon_143 New Member

    Rating points:
    4
    Apologies for not submitting my goal update in time . I broke my laptop so could not access internet for a while .
    Its been a blessing in disguise as I watched porn once during the last 18 days or so .

    No where near the level I aimed for where I would completely abstain .

    But still a progress . Will keep this thread updated im future .
     
  14. James

    James Host

    @Anon_143 you didn't have a phone? Works on mobile too you know.

    Up to you, this is a place of work. We don't take excuses here. If you can't get to an internet cafe once in a week to submit an update, what the hell chance do you have in fixing your life? You think a broken laptop excuses accountability?

    Either commit to the goal, to winning, to ending up with that woman underneath you in bed eagerly taking the D, or go elsewhere. Like some aimless shithole like Reddit.

    Also, heads up, if I understand the goal system right, this goal will automatically close on the next failed update.

    At a crossroads, @Anon_143, make your choice.
     
    Fundinn likes this.
  15. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Come on @Anon_143 , don't trip at the first hurdle man.

    Regarding talking to girls, I believe the problem can come with living in the future, rather than in the moment. As you're talking to the girl, I imagine you're mind's coming up with sexual scenarios. This makes you anxious, and this anxiety permeates through your mannerisms, body language, tonality etc., and girls will pick up on this in an instant - they're the natural masters of picking up on subtle cues that are sub-communicated.

    Of course, it's not easy to just snap back into the moment, so I advise getting pretty chill before heading out. Have you looked into meditation? Try little tricks such as taking 2 seconds before responding to something, as to process what has been said and make a logical statement in response. Little things like taking a few slow, deep breaths before entering an establishment can alter your frame and how you're initially perceived, which will lead to better reactions from people, and will boost your confidence and thus induce growth.

    Get a goal update submitted!
     
  16. Anon_143

    Anon_143 New Member

    Rating points:
    4
    Some pretty solid advice here dude .
    Would definitely want to try meditation , would you recommend any youtube channel/ app from where to start ?
     
  17. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    I can personally recommend the Headspace app. I don't use it anymore, but used it for a few months, and found the exercises very helpful. That's definitely a fantastic starting point, so do that. I don't watch any YouTubers based on meditation, but a YouTuber called 'The Bowl' does pickup but is focused heavily on spirituality.
     
  18. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  19. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Update not submitted & Goal closed.

    Due to excessive failed update submissions, the goal has been closed.
     
  20. James

    James Host

    Let's go @Anon_143, I see you logged in, we have shit to get done here, don't frivol this.
     

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