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Not sure where to start on this forum

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by The Big Pone, Dec 28, 2017.

  1. The Big Pone

    The Big Pone New Member

    I saw the GoGetting's post on TRP subreddit and as soon as I could contacted him about his mentoring project for young men.

    My native language isn't English, so I expect to be writing this with some errors or strange use of language.

    I'm 23 years old and live in Brazil. I started college at 17 for a promising enginnering degree for when I completed 22 years and it never happened. I'm still at college, and if I were to calculate how many time still left to get my degree, I believe it still on the 5 year mark. I don't know how I didn't got expelled yet. I want to finish it but the story so far is that I don't keep my schedule for the entire semester, miss most of the classes after one or two months, miss tests and deadlines and don't do my home studying like I should. How to avoid my self sabbotage I still don't figured out. Now I know that it is entirely my fault, but if you were to ask me after the end of every semester why I failed so much I would give completely different excuses for each semester.

    Other than college I have other skills I want to master and projects I want to build for a long time and hack my progress every time.

    I moved out my parents house two years ago, my mother never approved it. She acts like wanting me around to babysit so I never abandon her when I get older and do something with my life. I was sharing a room with a friend of mine for one year and later moved to a bigger apartment this year with one more friend. So with was me with 2 dudes.

    3 months ago I made two mistakes:
    1. Sharing too much of information about my personal finances with these guys (I didn't had a job and was living of savings I made last year and they were running out);
    2. Letting my mother re-enter gradually in my life because of pity and empathy for her problems.

    These two mistakes led my mother to get my friend's mother phone number and calling her after I ignored her (because of her bad behaviour towards me) saying that my friends were bad people and were taking me away from her, and that she would run over my friends with a car to kill them.

    I had to move out of my friend's apartment and go back to my parents home.

    So I'm living at my parents home, working at a music store, and my classes don't start again until february.

    My current personal goals are all in the fields of Fitness, Music, Languages, Technology and DIY projects.

    For fitness I want to increase my bodyweight to 90 Kg (I'm 180cm, 73Kg) while lifting heavy weights.
    My goals to lifting in my lifetime are 200Kg squat and 100Kg overhead press. I was lifting alone at a gym one year ago and somehow lost my habit of going every week when I moved to my bigger apartment, I'm now at a new gym since last week. My deadlift PR is 96Kg.

    I practice Football Flag at my college and is the thing that kept me going this year. I want to develop some leadership skills with the team. In retrospect Isee a lot of oportunities I had to assume responsibility for some drills or situations in game to better the team in some way that it is lacking and I did nothing, just played along and let someone else do the talking. Football flag isn't common in Brazil, and we have only amateur teams of Full Pad, the shouders and helmets are very expensive here.

    For music I want to master Guitar and Keyboard. I want to be able to listen to a song and play it by ear with little effort. I want to improvise like the Jazz masters do. I like to play with my friends that are musician but they don't call me often to jams because I lack some skills that cause it to be pleasurable to them. I find that playing in a band is a kind of masculine activity like most of the team-based sports, and the backstage of gigs and afterparties are redpill goldmines. I currently work at a music store because I don't totally suck at playing most instruments.

    For languages I want to learn Japanese, Russian and German. I already started Japanese and Russian but didn't got much progress before stopping. Japanese is the main one I want right now because I want to visit the 2020 Summer Olympics.

    For technology I want to finish my college, learn some programming languages (for now finish the FreeCodeCamp courses that I started last month) and learn more electronics(digital and analogic) so I can build my more complex DIY projects ideas that I have took notes over the years.

    For money I want to somehow work less and earn more, but I don't have clear goals. If anyone wants to be giving me advice on what I should be looking and aiming for in terms of wealth and how to build assets I would love to hear from.

    I couldn't find a concisive guide on what to write in my Introduction so there it is. If someone wants more information on something more specific I can answer, and also please tell me what to do next around here and what I missed.
  2. James

    James Host

    Welcome to the crew, @The Big Pone,

    You're right it was a mistake to let your mother control you like that, it sounds like she's more concerned with control that your progress.

    But I haven't heard both sides of the story, so I can't say that with certainty. It doesn't look like those guys were go-getters, she could be right that they were bad people, in that you weren't really succeeding in their presence. You should aim to leave home again at a later date (maybe when your degree is finished), but with a clearer plan of how you're going to succeed when you do so. Leaving home means you have to be able to take care of yourself, act independently and assertively and with self-efficacy, and screen out bad influences, and it doesn't sound like you're able to do so at the moment.

    Avoid DIY interest projects unless there is some clear monetization plan attached to it, like presenting it in a job interview, or making a business from it.

    This is attached to the next one:
    Do you expect to have a good income, but can't even finish your half-finished technical degree? If you do not finish your half-done degree, which is in a valuable and monetizable field, then it's not looking good for you. There is no other clear path for you at the moment for boosting your income. There is no upward path from working in a music store: it's a dead end.

    Working less and earning more means a profession. It means having in-demand marketable skills. Building assets comes after that: when you have the income and savings to invest in them.

    So you want to master an instrument, lead a sports team, finish college, build complex DIY projects, and get ripped in the gym, all at the same time? You need to focus on fixing one thing at a time. At most, you can focus on 2 goals. Spread your focus over 3 or more, and you'll end up achieving nothing on all of them. Focus, focus, focus.

    I want you to do an exercise for me:
    Do this exercise alone and somewhere quiet, and do it slowly.

    Imagine you continue what you're doing now. You maintain your laziness, your lack of focus, your wishful thinking towards getting results.

    Imagine you do that for 1 more year, what position are you in now? Better, or worse?

    Now imagine it for 2 years. What has happened? Where are you? Where are your peers? What do you look like now? What have you achieved? Do you feel good about this?

    Now imagine it for 5 years. You're now 28. You still work in a crappy low paid job, you still haven't finished your degree, you still live at home or in a crappy house with some losers, you still want to master an instrument but you haven't. How do you feel? What do you think when you look at your life? Really imagine.

    Now imagine it for 10 years. You've passed 30. You're now 33. You've spent that last 10 years aimlessly and lazily. You've spent it wishing for results, but not working to achieve them. Where are you now? What do you look like? How is your life compared to the other 33 year olds around you? Are you proud? Are you happy with your life? What have you lost as a result of your actions?

    What could you have been if you'd behaved differently? Can you still turn it around now, at 33? Let it sink in.

    Now imagine it for 20 years. You've turned 43. Imagine what you look like. Imagine where you are in life. Really visualize it. How do you feel about it? How do you feel about yourself?

    Now, come back to the present. None of it has happened yet. You still have time to change it now.

    Now imagine you change your behaviour. You commit to finishing your work. You work hard. You clock more than 50 hours per week on your goals. You become ambitious. You hang around with other ambitious people. You post all your goals and all your action updates here, where we hold you accountable. You jump up every morning and yell "I am going to smash this fucking day; I am a fucking go-getter".

    Now imagine you continue that for the next year. What have you achieved? How do you feel about it?

    Now imagine it for 2 years. What has happened? Where are you? What do you look like now? What have you achieved? Do you feel good about this? Do you feel proud?
    Now imagine it for 5 years. What is your current job? How does your life look? How does your personal apartment look? How does your girl look? How do you feel about this?
    Now imagine it for 10 years. You've spent that last 10 years taking full assertive action. You've spent it demanding results from yourself, and getting them. Where are you now? What do you look like? Are you smiling? How is your life compared to the other 33 year olds around you? Are you proud? Are you happy with your life? What have you created as a result of your work? What life have you created for yourself?
    Now imagine it for 20 years. You've become a king among men. You're respected as a true winner. Men are jealous of you, and women wish they were your wives. You're rich. You're strong. You're skilled. Your kids look up to you as a leader and a role model. All because you made that commitment to it 20 years ago.

    Now, come back to the present. What are you going to do?

    So first thing you should do here: You should start a Brainstorming thread in the Money sub-forum. In that brainstorming thread, the following questions should be answered:
    1. Will that degree lead to a decently paid technical job?
    2. Are you capable of finishing that degree if you focus?
    3. Can it be connected to your musical interests to increase your passion for it? (e.g. audio engineering)
    4. What work will be involved in finishing your degree? Specifically: how much credit do you have / how many courses are left to pass, what is the minimum time it can be done in, what will you have to do to pass the next courses.
    The Big Pone and Jack like this.
  3. The Big Pone

    The Big Pone New Member

    Thank you. This seems more solid advice than "just finish college" that most people give or "college won't solve all your problems, you have to make your own way" that I get from books and other sources about making money.

    Most on the things I wrote are about long term, I'm not searching for a quick fix. What I really want is to not lose track and get progress in spite of everything else that happens.

    Will get on that right away.

    I was writing a longer response for the last 30 minutes and the tab just closed on my face, if you want me to adress something else, just ask.
    James likes this.
  4. James

    James Host

    We look forward to it!
  5. Jack

    Jack Member

    Rating points:
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    Welcome to the forum, it sounds like you have a good idea of what you want to do but as James mentioned you're giving yourself way too much to think about at once.

    My question would be what were the reasons in your past you started failing at school?

    The other thing that stuck out is the clearly toxic relationship you have with your mum. I would personally make finding a new place to live a priority and consider cutting all contact. If she is willing to sabotage decisions you have made for yourself at this age then that sounds to me like a whole lot more stress that will get in the way of self improvement. Disclaimer thsee are only my thoughts I don't know your full situation so take them with a grain of salt.
  6. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    Hi Big Pone, welcome to GoGetters. I agree with everyone about focusing. Think about this story:

    A man was thirsty, so was his family. He started digging a well because walking to the mountain spring took half a day. After digging for a few days. He stopped and started digging a new hole, in an area that seemed better. After a few more days he realized he was getting exposed to the sun which made him tired. He went ahead and started digging another hole near a tree that provided shade. By now, this man had spent a week starting different wells, none of them provided any water. He ended up being bitter and angry.

    You could argue that he gained experience and is probably pretty good at digging soil, but I question this mans persistence to finish one thing off. Get the first well bringing water, then you can start digging your other wells.
  7. James

    James Host

    @Fundinn nice parable.

    One thing that stood out to me in my research of winners is that it's not just work output that's making the difference, possibly it's not even the primary cause. Focus seems to be as important, if not more important, because it allows the work to "drive deep" so to speak.

    This is also consistent with the concept of flow (which basically means "engrossed focus"), whereby the effectiveness of an hour of work for mentally-involved tasks ramps up gradually from 0 to 100% as the time passes.
  8. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    Good point. I think that focus can be too narrow sometimes. It's easy to forget about eating well, having time for friends, family, leisure in the name of one thing. I think focus needs to be used in bursts, with an awareness of other roles in ones life.

    There's a psychologist named Angela Duckworth who wrote a book called Grit:
    Duckworth describes her winding path through teaching, business consulting, and neuroscience, which led to the hypothesis that what really drives success is not genius, but a special blend of passion and long-term perseverance.

    The vicious thing though, like the well story, is that if you are persistent but only go half the way, you won't reap the ultimate fruits of your labor. I can't find it online, but I have a video of a potato farmer who says that every step is important in the production of his crops. There is no room for mistakes or skipping steps(taking shortcuts). You reap what you sow. But what and how you sow determines the quality of the reward.
    James likes this.
  9. The Big Pone

    The Big Pone New Member

    Mostly missing classes for being late and then missing tests because I didn't knew when they would occur or didn't study, so I refuse to take the test knowing I would fail.

    I've been handling my parents better since I got back at their place, TRP reading lists helped me a lot with relationships in general. I will find a new place to live eventually, but right now I don't have the resources.

    Thank you for reminding me of this book, I started reading it some months ago but didn't finish it. I saw your post and began re-reading it last week after I finished reading Mastery by George Leonard. I'm past halfway throught the book now.

    Yes I read it and didn't replied. How shameful. Sorry for the delay.

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