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Brainstorming On actually cold-approaching and getting a date

Discussion in 'Women' started by Shaney96, Jun 19, 2018.

  1. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    Cold-approach has always been one of those, kinda mythological, mysterious things for me.. It gives you so much fucking power over your sex-life as you take it entirely into your own hands instead of relying on 'fate' and 'luck'.

    After returning from my placement, I'm now only a 50 minute commute from my nearest city center, meaning there's no reason I cannot practise this skill. I feel I've built up a few areas of my life, but women is by fay my weakest area. There's this huge anxiety gap I have between what I want and what I have. I find myself dwelling on girls so much throughout each day, and it actually distracts me a lot from doing other things. I need to face the reality and see that this shit is possible, as I feel it will reduce my anxiety throughout life.

    Anyways, rather than babbling on about this shit that you already know, I'd like to form a goal relating to women and, in particular, cold-approaching in the daytime...

    It seems logical to copy @Tom 's goal and aim for X amount of cold approaches per week, with the goal of getting a date.

    Something like 5 cold approaches per week?

    I want to set some boundaries so I'm not constantly pressuring myself and feeling like an anxious wreck every time I leave the door:
    - The gym is for working out. Don't approach unless you're getting strong IOIs.
    - When you're going out, ensure you have an intention that isn't just to cold-approach. I like @James 's idea of assigning X amount of time at the beginning to daygame.
    - Only approach single sets. I don't believe I have the confidence at the moment to open sets where there's two girls or whatever, so discounting these and focusing on single-sets should help me reach my goal. I think this is fair considering I already find it very intimidating opening any girl.

    Perhaps I should also aim for one compliment per interaction? I appreciate this may be looked down on as it's essentially pedestalizing her a little, however I struggle in communicating any sexual interest. I think this is due to still having some shame in my sexuality, so this could be worth considering to help me get more comfortable with my sexuality?
     
  2. James

    James Host

    What usually happens is "did that just happen" experiences, so in that sense luck is always involved (but not fate). Which are good, just to be clear. This is related to the hockey stick I keep talking about. Women often have a lot of reasons not to be entertaining male suitors. They're just not thinking about that at the moment, or they have a boyfriend, or they have other issues, or you're not their type, and so on. So a girl who's, as far as you in particular are concerned, "on the market" is actually fairly rare. Perhaps one in 10. So when you go swinging for the fences with random cold approach, what usually happens is getting shot down (the 9 in 10), but with the occasional "that actually happened?" thrown in (the 1 in 10). That's the true power; when you look back and think "that simply could not have happened if I wasn't behaving as I did". Very horizon-expanding.

    It happens all the time, but only to the guys putting in the sustained work (or a socially well-connected "Chad" in a loose college, but his case study isn't that useful).

    The pickup guys are right on this one: avoiding compliments as a general (but not absolute) rule. Same as any negotiation: you never tell the person across the table what their strengths are. Honestly the best way I ever found in approaching women was a false reason. You're a lost guy from a neighboring city, etc. Gives it some mystery, some serendipity, which women can then paint as "it was fate" even though it totally wasn't.

    A lot of guys talk about the importance of "direct", but I'm not convinced at all. It's the equivalent of a sales pitch that starts in "so before I give my pitch, will you buy right now?". Sure perhaps it'll cut out some wasted time in that 1 in 10 case. But most of the time it's demanding an answer before they've been given time to evaluate. They instinctively know the sales pitch is happening, and you shouldn't pretend it isn't, but at the same time if you jump the gun they'll just run off, regardless of the product on offer, as a basic risk management action.

    The fact you've approached is sexual interest, so if she's not getting that vibe after you've approached, it's because you're afraid of congruently sustaining that honest fact. The usual solution to this is to be deliberately thinking of rendering [animalistic sexual fantasy X] upon her while you're communicating with her (which should be honest: otherwise why bother approaching her?). Unless you're a weirdo (which you're not) it won't make you say any weird stuff, but it will affect your demeanor, eye contact, etc, which keeps the interaction in the correct realm, and keeps her in the "this is serious so evaluate him as a potential suitor" zone.

    I don't have any experience in this so I don't understand what it's like; is there anything specific that seems to stand out as to why you would feel shame about it? Perhaps if you could identify that, you could find materials on how to erase it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2018
  3. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    Exactly. I was skeptical when you were mentioning the low chances of a girl being receptive. I'm sick of rationalizing and finding excuses to not get outside my comfort zone with this matter. It's precisely that though: One interaction can alter your perspective of life, make you stronger, more developed, etc.. Just because you have to trawl through some shit to get there, doesn't mean it's not worth it.

    I think it may happen to a lot of 'naturals', who think it's pretty normal to go and approach a girl they deem attractive. For the AFC, this stuff 'just doesn't happen.'

    Yeah, I've watched a few where it goes 'Hey, I saw you from over there and thought you looked absolutely stunning, *insert 3-6 other compliments here before getting into the conversation*', and it's a little cringe to watch. To me, it's just helping fill the girl's validation pot. Yeah, the approach communicates some balls, but the compliments seem to be something of an insincere way to persuade the girl to be receptive.

    Yeah, I over-analyze shit like this, and this is why I end up getting frustrated as fuck: I'll watch video after video and look at what went well, and criticize, but won't take any action unless I'm doing stuff like travelling or whatever.

    Yet you'll be berated by PUAs with "you're being dishonest. Be a man and communicate the real reason you went to talk to her!", which you'll say it "it gives her plausible deniability/she can say it was fate" or whatever. Again, I don't think it's overly important at the beginning to focus on what you say, but that you actually fucking do it.

    Bingo, I guess. There'll be a lot of depth to it, but not kissing a girl til 18, always pedestalizing girls, being brought up primarily by women, etc., has made me very shameful of, well, basically having a dick. Although women sexualize themselves to attract men, I usually get the ego saying 'yeah, but they're not sexualizing themselves for you, only other men, who are attractive.' I think the solution is to just re-read material I've read before (No More Mr. Nice Guy helped me a couple of years back) and take action.
     
  4. James

    James Host

    Amen, that's always the key
     
  5. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    I agree with this. it's good form spam approaches (takes no thinking, you just approach and say the same line) but carefully crafted indirect is the shit.

    There's some good day game articles on girls chase.com with some good indirect tips.
     

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