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Goal Spin 2 Plates

Discussion in 'Women' started by Shaney96, Aug 19, 2018.

Goal: I will spin 2 plates. by January 1, 2019 (finished)

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Canceled

Member Shaney96 commits to the following actions to achieve this goal

I will spin 2 plates by 01/01/19. This will be achieved through interacting with 10 different girls per week, 5 of which should be interactions started from a daygame direct approach.

  1. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    Good job on those approaches. How do you feel about indirect approaches, don't you think it puts you in a handicap since that's an overt tactic to get what you want?

    Haha, that's kind of funny. In 2014 I read my first book ever on Buddhism, called "The Method of Zen", which was written by a westerner who went to Japan to learn about it, it was supposed to be easier to understand. I understood very little, but the idea of Zen Master's keeping cool and developing a framework of mind that made them fearless was very attractive to me. After a lot more practice and reading, in 2016 I proceeded to read it again, I happened to understand a lot more.

    Now in 2018, I read Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind and practically everything written there made sense. I wasn't even trying to figure things out, it just made sense. So don't worry about it too much. It's a process, it never ends, it is to find a way to be happy in that continuous process, in the plateau, not in the high's or low's of our life that we will find genuine freedom.

    If you want a much gentler introduction, there's this punk bassist from Ohio who's now a priest, his first book is accessible. It's also quite funny, so for once, you might feel entertained while learning ;).
     
  2. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
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    Result points:
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    You mean covert, right?
    I dislike indirect approaches. They feel dishonest/disingenuous. A direct approach is "here I am: A man that finds you attractive. We can have a conversation like two strangers, but in your mind - whether at the back or the front - is the knowledge that I find you attractive." Being direct is also more fear-inducing and there's never an excuse not to approach. I'd like to try direct approaching in a nightclub, as I don't think I've ever done one in a club. Being indirect will be fine when I'm in classes and shit, but if I'm out walking about the city and see a girl on the street, I feel being direct is what I want to be doing.

    I used to get very frustrating about not 'getting things' straight away and would then give-up. It's probably why I only have 1 genuine friend from the 2 years I've been at Uni: I'll start going to a society or something then will give up after attending a few socials. It's the expectation of 'getting it'/getting good/enjoying it straight away mixed with putting too much on my plate all at once due to excitement. I'm glad I've learned to humble myself and be more honest in what I expect of myself over the last year or so.

    Sounds interesting; what's the name of the book?
     
  3. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    I linked it in the sentence itself, but for the record it's: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51637.Hardcore_Zen

    He's not the first of his breed to do something like this. There's a movement called 'Dharma Punk', which kind of serves as an outlet for people rebellious-minded folks who want to figure out the nature of reality. Noah Levine is one that comes to mind, he's the founder of a society called "Against the Stream Society" haha. Although I think you have enough material already, so don't take your time with it.

    You know, if you imagine your approaches by visualizing them, I think you will notice that direct approaches are genuine, real and true. Starting out with a compliment is basic, but it puts your intentions in the right place, the rest of the conversation will base itself upon that foundation. I've been giving more compliments this past year, it's easy, doesn't cost a thing and you have an endless supply.
     
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  4. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 4.20.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 23 Sep 2018
     
  5. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    Action points:
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    Result points:
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    This little update may seem [insert appropriate adjective here], but I want to put it out:

    I've been out the last 4 nights in a row. Only Tuesday did I drink anything since it was an organized bar-crawl; every other night (including tonight) I've been thriving off of tap water. I state this so you don't think the following is some drunken, misanthropic, self-hatred-induced rant:

    I've realized how much of a healthy psyche I have relative to many others, and how comfortable I am with myself. Perhaps it's because I've been associating with many Freshers, and it's expected for them to be more insecure and less-comfortable in their newfound environment.
    But man, some people I've come across I've almost pitied.
    Take tonight, for example: Seeing girls in the smoking area crying into their girlfriends shoulders; hearing lads arguing with one another with girls upset standing by; multiple sites of vomit on my path home; people (and many of them) who look as if they're at the club just so they can say they went, and are ensuring to have their phones out to capture it all for social media.

    Man, it's cancerous.


    Short Story:
    My most eye-opening experience so far entails a Blonde Bird. I opened two blonde girls at that party I went to on Saturday, and I'll refer to the one I was into as Blonde Bird. I believe I included it in my last update: I didn't "strike when the iron is hot", and therefore believe I'd missed my chance. These two blondes were the most attractive-looking at that party, and garnered much male attention. I ran into them the other night and realized they just wanted my attention after they shit-tested me and tried to make me jealous. From this I consciously decide to completely blank them as they're only attention seeking.
    Last night there's another party at the same place as that on Saturday. Those two are there. I give them no attention and end up kissing another girl. This Other Girl is very drunk and very into me. The blondes suddenly start giving me attention: the Blonde Bird who I tried getting with ends up saying "Hit me up later" when she sees me getting with Other Girl in the queue to the club. I tell her I don't have her number so she puts it in my phone. Other Girl starts getting jealous and whispers about Blonde Bird to me and saying "I'm better than her", and proceeds to put my hand on her ass and shit... They literally start competing for my attention as we're queuing.
    When we get inside Other Girl starts kissing me constantly and touching me sexually and I'm reciprocating. The blondes are nearby. I believe Other Girl wanted me to lead her to the toilet but I was already so overwhelmed by what was happening that I didn't lead.
    Other Girls goes to the bathroom with her friend and, as soon as she's a step away from me, the blondes jump in front of me and Blonde Bird starts grinding. I go to kiss her and she rejects me (amazing right? After all this she rejects this first attempt. This says so much about her personality and how much of a toxic, validation-seeking personality she has) but I take her chin and kiss her. Her kiss is aggressive and I know she's just trying to one-up the Other Girl.

    Eventually I leave because I know the Blonde Bird just wants validation, and I'm too disgusted at how drunk Other Girl is and don't want to get with her again. I say 'how much of a healthy psyche I have' because I didn't care that this fit blonde was competing for my attention. Other Girl was like a 7.5 also and was all over me: I didn't care. Why should my state of mind depend on validation from women? I'm thankful I'm getting closer to a point where I truly don't get stoked from female attention. However, I think my sticking point is still sex. I had opportunities to pull that night, and I didn't go for them. I feel that, deep down, I still have some craving for that intimacy and emotional connection before sex, and I think that, since I've only had sex with one girl, that deep down I connect this intimacy with that one ex girlfriend.

    Coincidentally, after not speaking to that ex for over half a year, she followed me and messaged me on her alternative Instagram account just before I headed out tonight. I felt my mind wanting to try and seduce her over Instagram and try to find a way to fuck her, but I meditated and those desperate thoughts soon passed.

    I can tell these blondes literally have their state of joy completely dependent on the quality of guy that fucks them at the end of the night and the amount of like they get on their Instagram posts. The friend of Blonde Bird literally said - as the first thing she said to me the other night - how 'I saw you liked my Instagram post'. She also brought it up again when I was kissing Other girl, as a way to try and get Other Girl angry at me so Blonde Bird could get with me. It's absolutely pathetic and, actually very, very sad.

    Final Thought/Question:
    I leave this with a question that I've not been able to answer:
    I don't seem to care for 'pulling girls' at clubs and these one-night-stand things. As I say, that Other Girl was really into me and was down, but I didn't care for sex with her at all. When I was being sexual with her on the dancefloor, my thoughts were "This is insane: I can get away with doing this on the dancefloor and she doesn't care", instead of "I want to do X and Y to her" and getting horny... And it can't simply be because she was 'too drunk', because I got with a girl later on who, after taking her to the smoking area, I discovered she was completely sober. Should I remain what I believe to be congruent, and just go out at night for fun and to build social proof and get better with approaching and other social dynamics? Is this lack of wanting to fuck 'club girls' something I should ignore and just try for anyway? I mean, when it gets toward the end of the night and I see people kissing and couples drunkenly walking home, I'm actually more disgusted than anything, and don't feel any envy. I almost pity how it seems like these people are hooking up purely for validation: To tell their mates the next day; to make themselves feel better about themselves due to their insecurities they have. It simply seems like an ego-stroking act of neediness, nothing more.

    I'm not saying all people are like this, and I'm sure I can develop areas and meet girls on nights out that I do click with more. Maybe I'll ensure I always talk to them in the smoking area and try to build rapport before trying to pull.

    My intention here was not to come off as egotistical. I'm merely stating my observations. I don't 'get off' to these experiences as I go out, they simply confirm things I've read on TRP and have seen on YouTube videos and heard attractive guys talk about. These are simply real-world Truths I'm learning and am enjoying the ride.
     
  6. James

    James Host

    A lot of it is the filtering effect. You'll get a certain type of girl at clubs. It seems fairly clear you're not actually that into the philosophy of TRP when it comes to just getting randomly laid. The kind of woman you're probably into isn't looking for getting wasted and then banging random dudes. Probably mix it up by going to places/events where the girls are going to be less simple/airheaded. Filters are key.
     
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  7. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  8. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Daygame approaches: 0/5

    Takeaways:
    - I think I should use clubs as a means of getting to know people better (if going out in a Society), enjoying myself (dancing), and getting more comfortable tackling Approach Anxiety. Always in the past I've seen clubs as some place to potentially get laid, but now, after having that opportunity and realizing how little I want it from a Standard Club Girl, I now see them as places to have fun and interact with others.

    - Whether I feel so much resistance pulling a girl from a club is due to fear of sexual-contact or because I genuinely feel I need some connection with somebody who's not just looking for any dick from a semi-attractive guy to stick in her, I don't know.
    I'm unsure why I don't want to fuck Standard Club Girls. Is it because I fear that act of taking a random girl home you've barely met, and I thought this was something I would never be able to do, so am still clinging onto my old reality? Is it simply because I don't want to fuck somebody I've just met in a club? If the latter: Perhaps I should encourage myself to do it as it's uncomfortable and I can have a better judgement of One Night Stands after I actually have one? Whatever, I won't try and come to a resolute answer at the moment, so I'll just keep living life and, if it happens, then I'll come back to these questions. What I do realize is that I don't want to be putting most of my effort toward SCGs.

    - Stop trying to fuck everyone. Last night I got in like 14 approaches overall. Some were merely statements/complements and I'd continue the conversation only if she reciprocated positive energy. Once or twice I just gave a complement and carried on with my way: it felt honest and non-transactional. Doing this loosened me up and took away self-expectation. It also would help me in the future since there's chances I'd see the same person again and she'd be more receptive/inclined to talk to me, perhaps.

    - Focus on social circles and daygame. I like awaking early and getting stuff done. Joining some societies and meeting people with similar interests is attractive to me, and I think I'll be going clubbing very infrequently from now on.



    Excluding last Saturday, I've been out 5 nights. Over these nights, I've made a few mates, have experienced some more night-club shit, gotten much more comfortable in clubs, have approached a good amount of women, and have successfully fucked up my sleeping schedule.

    A summary of stuff that happened:
    - Led our group of guys on Tuesday. A few of my old mates came over and we went out with these guys I'd first met last Saturday from an RSD Facebook page. We went on a barcrawl. Opened a few sets of different guys and girls in the first place and a girl from this 4-set asked for my number because she'd need to leave at some point and re-meetup with us. In the final club, me and the 2 RSD guys decide to go on an Approach Rampagefor 15 minutes. I open about 5 girls, get an Instagram and 2 numbers.

    - Wednesday I had my first lecture and was feeling a little rough. Ended up going out that night and running into the Blondes from Saturday. I basically gave them no attention and altogether opened around 5 girls. Here I learned the importance of opening conversations (better to refer to them as 'interactions' or 'conversations' than sets, and 'approaches' as 'I'm gonna talk to that person') as soon as you enter a venue or beforehand, so you get some social momentum and get out of your head. I was dancing very freely and I noticed guys smiling at me approvingly and girls dancing in my proximity. I opened a few small groups on the dancefloor and had fun dancing with them.

    - Thursday was another pre-drinks. Ignored the Blondes and got with Other Girl. Most humorous moment of the night was when this large black chick was enthusiastically grinding into me hard enough for the RSD bloke to move aside and say "you're grinding into me mate", which I told the black chick and we both burst out laughing. Led the girl outside after a while, chit-chatted and got her number. I didn't even find her that attractive so I don't intend on following-up. I think this is the right move.

    - Friday was a shitty UV paint-party cringe-fest. Now, I've gotten to a point where I can dance to your standard UK Top 40 club music remixes, but when there's the DJ constantly going "Are you ready Freshers?!", "OLLIE OLLIE OLLIE... OI! OI! OI!", "Everyone get your phones out and film this shit! Don't forget to follow me on...", I can only faux-enjoy it so much. But there was a bouncy castle beside the dancefloor, which was cool, but tiring. Blondes were here and dancing near us. It was quite sad to observe them just drunk and then they'd sit out looking bored for some time. Not sure how many approaches I got in this night; probably around 3 or 4 from grabbing water from the bar.

    - Saturday (last night) was good. I'd met a friend from a couple years back who's just been travelling around Australia/Asia. After this I met with the 2 RSD guys and we just danced. I had already opened 3 girls before saying to them "Let's go on an Approach Rampagefor 15 minutes." One of them got 2 approaches, the other 1, and I got 8. I had one rejection of being completely ignored, and one where I got a lovely smile of sarcasm and a thumbs-up. This night ended with me getting my sober-ass kicked out of the club for a simple misunderstanding (going up the main stairs when I didn't realize there was an unordered queue) and then having the bouncer attempt to embarrass me by telling people in the entry-queue that I "told the girl to fuck off". I'm glad this all happened as it was the biggest test of my frame I've had in a long, long time. To be grabbed and pushed out of a club for an honest mistake, then publicly shamed and lied about; I could really feel the emotion surging in my body, but I handled the situation so calmly and didn't react.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

  9. James

    James Host

    All good learning

    More likely you just don't find them hot. Some guys have purely looks-based attraction. Other guys need to know the girl isn't a husk, which clubs aren't conducive to discovering. You could try mixing in some other stuff like latin dancing, which tends to draw a different crowd and has a different vibe. Another interesting thing you can try is speed dating. It's basically real-life tinder (motley crew + 90% only vote for the most attractive & walk away disappointed), but it has one interesting trait: it disproportionately filters through rare types of women who are on the opposite end of the spectrum to clubber types. Not always in a good way, but sometimes in a good way.
     
  10. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    Result points:
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    Other Girl and Blonde Girl were decently hot, but the drunkness and fact that I barely knew anything about them put me off completely. I think I'll eventually experience a ONS, but it's definitely not something I strive for. Furthermore, that clubbing can easily fuck up a sleep pattern.

    I have a 'taster session' for such tomorrow, and I really feel this is pulling me out of my comfort zone; I'm quite looking forward to it. Have you much dance experience?

    The closest one I found was a 24-35 in a nearby city. So it's something I'll consider when older.
     
  11. James

    James Host

    Yes indeed. Once, when I was on holiday and hitting the clubs every day, it screwed it up so bad that it separated into 2 sleep sessions a day.
    Lame
    Not really, nothing past beginner level in a few styles, but can confirm it did draw a much different crowd.
    My point is that hotness isn't always about surface visuals. That's what I assumed when I was younger, until I realized some objectively beautiful women did nothing for me, and some OK looking women got me way more excited. It helps, but it's not the whole story.
     
  12. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 3.25.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 30 Sep 2018
     
  13. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  14. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    The bouncer story is hilarious, what a chump. I don't get why he would take it personally and make up a lie to get you out, that sounds counter-productive.

    You mention the blonds a lot, they clearly made an impression on you even if on a rational level you despise them a bit. If they go out 4-6 times a week, you can bet they get a good dose of attention. I think that mocking them could be fun, since they probably feel entitled. If you ignore them it's good to focus on other sets, but don't think in the back of your head that it will somehow make them think that they would go up to you because they feel like you aren't giving them any attention. It could happen in a smaller group, but not if they have other guys whirling around, takes too much reasoning. It's effective to shake them up, then leave them off, then perhaps come back once and then ignore them. That's one way to plant seeds and remind them that you exist. Otherwise, if you open a successful set and get those other girls up to the blonds to form a bigger group, that would be A1, but that's something else isn't it.

    In any case, good job on the all approaches and on leading the approach rampages.

    I don't think there's anything more intimidating to a girl, or a couple of girls than a bunch of guys going inside a place together trying to meet women. The times our group had any success, is when one of us separated and went on with his business alone. I suppose you guys do split once you are at a venue. You can meet back after the fact.

    Remember that this is something you value because it is your current definition of success, which ultimately comes from what society tells you to think. I know guys who finally, finally got the lay on a given night and on the next day they couldn't believe how standard it felt. There are exceptions, but I really don't think this should be the measure on which you qualify your experience as good or bad.
     
  15. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
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    I do, and I believe it's because I still have a scarcity mindset, which is a direct cause of having physical scarcity.
    Consciously I know that contacting the hotter blonde and trying to setup a date is incongruent, for I believe in "never stick your dick in crazy", and I know I'd only be contacting her from a point of scarcity and neediness, not because I genuinely want to form an emotional connection with her. Even if I did just want a fuck-buddy, I'm near-certain that due to her personality that there'd be repercussions. I'm therefore keeping from giving her any validation over social media or reaching out to her.

    Preselection at it's finest, and an aspect of game I can work on in the future for sure.

    Yesterday I finished reading The Game, and I recall cringing at times when Neil would state how all the wannabe-PUAs would go out 'sarging' in groups, and how women would instantly reject them because they're "already heard that one." It's just neediness.

    Of course, it all comes down to intent. Each night I went out last week I went home feeling great; no sadness or disappointment - just satisfaction from taking action and genuinely having a good time and a laugh dancing with friends and getting to know different people. The 'bad' rejections I had didn't affect me; I managed to cultivate some outcome independence just by having the mindset of "I'm gonna have a good time and talk to people and dance."

    Your first sentence has cleared some things up for me, thank-you man.
     
  16. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Day-game cold approaches: 3/5

    None of the approaches were direct, and were mere indirect approaches as I was going about my days around Uni.
    This week I met plenty of people. I guess I'll include some other life-shit in here, for I appreciate any advice given by you guys:
    Got a calendar system going, and am tracking every reasonably-significant person in my life - this includes 'next steps' with each person. I attended 3 Dance Society taster sessions, a Yoga Society class, a Rock Society pub quiz, and a Expedition Society night out.

    I met a girl from the Expedition Society intro meeting and we spent a couple of hours talking. I believe I over-invested. I should have left the conversation on a high-note and merged ourselves into another group. We eventually left together. I believe I didn't "leave her wanting more", since I showed so much investment.

    The other 2 approaches were complements on style followed by a 5 minute or so conversation.

    I've learned that I'm insecure about my lay-count.
    Friday night I went out for the Expedition Society social. I went there solo and made the intention of meeting everybody who turned up. I succeeded in this goal and soon got comfortable letting loose and dancing with everybody. We went to this 'Bierkeller' bar and I opened a girl at the bar. After about 3 minutes we were kissing. This interaction helped me realize I've internalized more 'concepts of game' in that I can more consciously read IOIs (Indicators Of Interest) and am better able to calibrate myself to the situation. This is one reason why I choose not to drink (although I did have 4.5 pints that night): When drunk, you're less in control and your ability to calibrate lessens greatly.

    She was into me and I believe I should've just gotten a pint and gone to the smoking area or, failing that, left her straight back with her friends. Instead I ended up dancing on the benches with her and her mates for 5-minutes, then said "I'll text you later" with a smirk. I think I left on a low-note, for I probably sub-communicated "I'm not good enough to meet more attractive prospects throughout my night, so I'll therefore be texting you when I'm headed home." Instead, a simple "Nice talking to you" would've sufficed and then texting her later may have proved a better result. Instead I got rejected when I asked her to accompany me a couple of hours later. Fair enough, she was coming up from another city to spend the night catching up with her friends, and she did use this as her excuse; but nevertheless, I still could've improved how I finished the interaction.

    There's another girl I met in Freshers (Black Bird - I'm not sure I mentioned her) who text me asking "You out tonight? x", so that shows she's interested. However, I'm not attracted to her, and don't believe it's healthy I meet up with her and try to fuck her just for the sake of feeding my ego and trying to rid of an insecurity. I believe I'll only end up thinking "that wasn't worth it", and will still feel no different than I currently do.

    I think that, taking the above paragraph into consideration, I'm beginning to discover that there are different types of action: Healthy Action and Unhealthy Action.

    To use 2 examples from the last week to expand on these (pardon lack of structure - I'm conjuring these thoughts as I go):

    Unhealthy Action:
    To go about chasing a girl I don't feel attracted to just for the sake of getting sex. Where 'getting sex' is a goal I've imposed on myself due to, as @Fundinn pointed out, societal expectation. This action would be incongruent and the resistance felt should be listened to.

    Healthy Action:
    After leaving Bierkeller I went to this bar alone, for I was the last one of the society still out and had faced a few rejections at the bar. I danced with some people from like 25-55. It was a laugh and at one point I left the dancefloor to laugh at the absurdity of the situation: There were 3 mid-20s girls dancing with myself, a mid-50s black guy dressed like a depressed 9-5 office-worker, and a well-groomed mid-40s guy - all dancing in a circle. I went to dance with one of the girls, but got rejected. Anyways, the healthy action is that, after leaving the bar, I text BierkellerGirl (the girl I kissed, as mentioned earlier), attempting to essentially persuade her to come home with me. I felt resistance doing so as I knew that, had she accepted, sex would be on the agenda (yeah, knowing I may have sex with someone makes me uncomfortable - I'm assuming this is quite natural for the most part). However, since we'd actually spent 10 minutes talking at the bar and I genuinely felt attracted to her, I knew this resistance was something to overcome and that the action should be followed through with.

    Takeaways:
    I need to approach in the day more.

    This last week I've just really trying to get everything organized: I've volunteered to help mentor a class of younger Computer Science students, am trying to get organized with societies, am getting into fitting gym into my University days, and of course I've now got lectures and workshops. This next week I aim to get my routine refined and really want to get my sleep-schedule in check.

    Oh, and to finish, I guess this is worth mentioning:
    Although I didn't get out my comfort zone with daygame, I definitely got out of it in regard to other social aspects...
    I went to 3 Dance Society taster sessions. The first was Street, where there was one other guy. The second was Musical.. and man.. I was the only guy in a class of like 30 and I learned how to 'slut-drop'. After this it was Latin and Ballroom, which I actually look forward to in the forthcoming weeks. What I experienced from these classes was that we have great control on how we're perceived. In the Musical class, since I was the only guy, it would've easy for me to have been perceived as a 'creep', especially since I was singled out couple of times by the instructor for being the only guy; "You don't have to do this bit if you don't want to", "This song's pretty feminine, so don't worry if you don't want to do it." But I owned it. My responses to these 'shit-tests' had some girls giggling and I ensured to not check out any of the girls, but instead to just make small-talk with girls in proximity and when we took breaks.

    Next week I aim to just be social with the societies, not making explicit attempts to hit-on girls, and to actually do some proper daygame approaches. There are plenty of attractive girls around campus, I just need to dedicate an hour or two over a couple of days to actually fucking approach.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

  17. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    Then on the next day you wake up in your bed, which is in your room, which is in a place you recognize and everything is as if nothing had ever happened. It's a silly situation, but I think you can learn to appreciate absurd moments for what they are. It's not going to put a stain on your record, even if it feels awkward or unlike anything you've ever done. The day resets and you can get on with your usual business. I don't know if you get what I'm saying here. I'm glad that you went and stuck a bit.

    What's slut-dropping? And what's the main reason you are attending these dance classes?

    Good job, sounds like you know why you didn't close too. I don't know the details of your interaction, but if she was kissing you in three minutes you must have qualified to her in all the right places.
     
  18. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    I'd appreciate any feedback on the following paragraph, as it's the first time in a while I've written something which has caused me to look a little deeper within myself. Thanks @Fundinn for provoking this, even if it was unintentional:

    I believe that sex will resolve problems for me, that "upping my N-count" is going to make my life that much better. That getting validated from hot girls and having multiple want to fuck me is going to lift some veil of insecurity and my life will suddenly get better and I'll stop feeling down for not getting laid. I believe that we innately desire sex - for our biological imperative is to survive and replicate - but I seem to believe that getting sex from hot girls and developing multiple emotional connections with such girls is going to solve my inner-conflict and increase my level of joy and remove any insecurities.

    "Approach", "You're not succeeding unless you've got hot girls you're fucking, since girls are a lagging indicator of success. So if you aren't fucking, you're not successful", are examples of my inner-dialogue.

    I believe that, because I've read the TRP Sidebar and so many of their posts, that I therefore should be fucking multiple girls simultaneously and should have approaching as something 'I just do naturally'. It appears I've allowed the words (albeit true - for I do greatly subscribe to much of what is written there) of TRP and societies expectations of "University Students" and expectations of older people who "spent their early days fucking everything with a pair of legs", to define my personal goals and what I should be wanting at my age in my life situation. Shit.





    I do, and I didn't feel uncomfortable at the time; I was in a good headspace enjoying the situation. It's peculiar how it makes so much logical sense that what we do outside our comfort zone won't kill us (or even matter much/at all in the morning), however we still resist from doing so much due to irrational fear. It's a progressive journey to 'unlearn' and thrive I guess.

    A sexual drop girls do (primarily in clubs) whereby you drop down, sticking your ass out, then rise slowly/seductively.

    Simply, yet a great question, and something I really should delve into...
    I believe the initial motivation was "OH GOD PUSSY", and I've treated these my sessions as some sort of game plan to pull girls:
    1. Go there with the seeming intention of actually just wanting to dance and show little interest in flirting but ensure to be confident and converse with people.
    2. Cultivate attraction then ask for a number or two or try to pull on a night out.

    Now, I think this is a pretty decent plan, but the fact that I initially joined due to wanting to get laid, is unhealthy.
    Last night I had another lesson and left feeling very resentful.
    "All these hot girls innately crave sex, yet I'm getting none" was my first emotional response as I left the studio. I felt a sense of entitlement to sex.

    I do enjoy the dancing and I will continue to go. I do however think that I'm still putting too much of a priority on sex, and the "get laid" thought is still eating away at the back of my mind throughout each day.
     
  19. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 4.00.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 07 Oct 2018
     
  20. James

    James Host

    Not really, most guys get excited. This indicates something's blocking you; could be anything from you don't like her for some reason, you're afraid there'll be a bad outcome (several hypotheticals to choose from), or you don't want her because you really just want to be with another specific girl e.g. an ex-girlfriend.

    You keep repeating this standpoint though, so it doesn't seem to be able to resolve it for you.

    Objectively speaking, it won't make your life better. You can ask any guy who's done it: it causes a bunch of problems, especially for more introspective guys like you. How many notches you have on your bedpost is not like money (something you have and can spend and enjoy) but a record of what you've lost and can't have anymore. All of that stuff they say about biological imperative is false: what percentage of them have used sex to reproduce? Are they using their "harems" to breed like studs? It's all just nonsense. They have no ideological anchor. Theirs is an empty philosophy with no end-game other that being a reeling form of self-defense in a world they consider hostile to their group (and accurately so).

    But that's all academic. Unless you either pound a bag of slags (which would involve identifying honestly what your fear/blocker against doing that is and then solving it), or work out something else you want more, it's going to grate on you until you resolve it. So those are the only two solutions really. TRP has no solutions because they don't have a specific problem they're trying to solve.
     

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