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Goal Spin 2 Plates

Discussion in 'Women' started by Shaney96, Aug 19, 2018.

Goal: I will spin 2 plates. by January 1, 2019 (finished)

100%

Canceled

Member Shaney96 commits to the following actions to achieve this goal

I will spin 2 plates by 01/01/19. This will be achieved through interacting with 10 different girls per week, 5 of which should be interactions started from a daygame direct approach.

  1. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Well shit, it probably actually is this. Logically, it makes sense: I've only had one girlfriend (split just over a year ago) and we were close. I still often think about her and I find that replaying our past interactions is the only thing that can instantly cause me to get quite emotional. The other day she messaged me and I felt the urge to want to reach out to her and rekindle our emotional connection, even if only temporary. I understand the irrationality of this so will not be doing so by any means, but you've brought to light that I am still in fact emotionally attached.

    Fuck. That's actually something I'll have to do some real internal digging into. I honestly think I'm still "plugged" into thinking that she's my "one" and that I'll never acquire another emotional connection as strong as I had with her, with other girls. The unlearning of my past ideologies/life perspective is still to be done. It's strange since I seem to have so much of a 'RedPill' perspective on things day-to-day, but I've never realized I'm still actually "BluePill" in the sense that I'm still unconsciously so attached to a past LTR.

    Well that's an eye-opener and a half. Had you not mentioned that, I'd never have even suspected that this would be the internal issue. Cheers for the free therapy @James ! I'm not concrete on this being the reason behind my great resistance to approaching and being sexual with girls, but holy shit does it make sense. Like, when I was escalating with Other Girl and even that girl last Friday, it all kinda felt robotic and I wasn't actually feeling what I was doing. It was more "Well my sticking point is going in for the kiss, so I'll push for that. Oh, well that wasn't too hard. Now see if I can arouse her on the dancefloor. Oh, well I guess it's sex now..." rather than being an emotional and 'natural' process. It's like I'm unconsciously reserving the 'feeling' for my ex.

    I'll cut the introspection here as it serves little purpose constantly blurting my shit on this forum; apologies about that. Cheers though @James.
     
  2. James

    James Host

    There's no problem with that, "better out than in" etc and other people have a better picture they can give advice against. The only time it's usually a problem is when people vent without concurrent action taking; which clearly doesn't apply in your case.

    Well on that front, I see the following options:
    • You get back with her. She's pinging you because she's thinking it too. Given that (correct me if I'm wrong) she broke up with you, and therefore in a way there was an aspect of betrayal or disrespect involved, this'll have to be on stringent terms that satisfy you (if that's possible). Her admitting her wrong, her approaching submissively / as the weaker party in the relationship, her begging / having to earn your trust back etc. Basically the opposite of you jumping up and down with joy at the idea of getting back together.
    • If that's truly unacceptable, you analyze what the factors were behind you and her forming that emotional connection. Where you met, how, what was it about her or you that created it, etc. If you're clear on that, you can try to replicate the same situation that lead up to it, with intent to find another fresh version of her. Obviously easier said than done, especially if the original environment (e.g. high school) is gone. But guys do succeed in doing it.
    One thing to remember is that you can't unlearn nature. Nature isn't an ideology. If it's genuinely your nature that you don't want fast lays, and you want a slower heating-up style formation of a particular type of relationship with a particular type of woman, you have to work in that direction, and vehemently ignore any people who suggest otherwise. It'll be tough, but a clear solution that is hard to execute is better than an easy non-solution.
     
  3. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  4. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    I'm never considering getting back with her. Doing so would be coming from an intense state of scarcity and it would only harm me in the long-run. Perhaps others can do it and with success, but the amount of TRP (and other books like The Rational Male) I've read I cannot even accept this as a possibility. It's the 'easy way out' and comes from me not thinking there are thousands of other girls out there I can form a deep emotional connection with. It'd be "The big bad world scares me and I'm too scared to grow and be vulnerable and face my fears and approach all these other girls - let's get back together and be comfortable." Again, this is my personal belief, and there isn't a 'right' answer, so please don't take this as an insult, just mere disagreement.

    I 'beta-fied' myself by becoming comfortable, not enjoying my change in life situation, and she became too large a focal point of my life. I could spot myself becoming weaker and the relationship therefore deteriorating slowly into toxicity, so ended it before it got any worse.

    2nd date. Seemed to go well so I just thought I'd throw out "Wanna come back to mine?" Scared shitless about losing my V. Wasn't super into her as was more scared to death about sex. Sex happened. She was into me so I started seeing her every day/other day. Developed the connection over a few weeks. After like 1.5 months I progressed it to exclusively.

    I've absolutely no conscious intention of wanting to replace her, but I note that I feel emotional triggers when I see girls emulating features/aspects of her personality. I know this is merely external triggers reminding me of certain aspects of her and our relationship. I consciously know that there are plenty of girls out there I can form deep connections with (I know this due to how I know 'The One' is one of the greatest fallacies I've had to unlearn), however I don't have such experience, so I'm still identified with this past self.

    I mean unlearning social conditioning and having an upbringing that had me believe that I would never be attractive to a woman. I believe I've unlearned a lot of this, but I believe I need more real-world experience to get properly let go of the part of my ego attaching to this lonely self.


    Yeah, I guess I gotta just fucking get out there and see what I do like... I tell myself I don't like X and probably want Y, but the fact is that I don't know much due to my lack of experience. I'll get onto this in my Goal Update. But yeah, I currently feel that I'd like a few attractive girls as plates that satisfy emotional and sexual needs (emotional needs should be minimal and reserved for male friends - I'd like to eventually cultivate more close male friends), as opposed to getting some quick shags from drunken club-girls.
     
  5. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Approaches: 4/5

    Initially, I didn't want to write about 'potential dates' and shit because, well, they never turned into fruition. However, I think it may serve helpful if I do as a means to help flesh out my core values and also what I could improve on in regard to texting/logistics...

    Got 1 number and 1 Instagram.

    Number:
    Initial text saying it was nice to see her. She responded in a friendly manner. I responded with a reference to the conversation we had. No response on her part. I could text her again.. but with what, and why should I if she's showed no attempt to send a 2nd text.

    Instagram:
    Messaged a couple of times then said (paraphrasing) "I was gonna ask you out but I see you got a lad". She responded saying she hadn't anymore. I asked when she was free as had a cool date idea. Her response was "what you wanna do", so I messaged back with "gonna test how well you can dress guys from charity shops :D" (I opened her by complementing her style and discovered we both get clothes from charity shops), and it's been read but with no response.

    Potentially the girl's lack of interest is due to how I come across in interactions. It's possible that, since I've put sex and approaching as such a huge focus in my life, that my anxiety and internal frustration is sub-communicated in the interaction and I have a needy and clingy vibe. I remember that, when travelling, although I still had a massive focus on girls and sex, since I was talking to plenty of people in hostels, I was already kinda socially warmed-up when I went out. I'm not sure why I have an unattractive vibe, but the nuances aren't important to me at the moment:

    I've possible diagnosed my problem, and it's laughably simple:
    A lack of action.

    There's a huge anxiety gap in the facet of life of women...
    I'm pretty much on top of many other areas of my life, but there's a huge difference in, for example: "Discipline and action-taking toward physical goals and results received vs discipline and action-taking toward women-related goals and results."

    There's been a few times this week where my emotions have made me feel a great sense of entitlement and resentment. "I'm doing well in areas X, Y, and Z of my life.. where da bitches be at?!" is something like this entitlement. Of course, 'everything makes sense', and I think the root cause is that I'm repressing myself and not allowing for others to experience me. Approaching allows me to 'serve' myself and let a girl see if she finds me interesting. I think I fear approaching because I'm convinced I deserve success with women, due to advances in other areas of life. No need to point out how this is purely egotistical, because I understand that it is.

    Another rabbit-hole I could touch upon would be that of identity:
    It's possible that I'm still identified (or partly so) with the past self that fundamentally believed that he would never attract a women. It's therefore possible I'm attached to my past LTR as I see her as somebody that 'accepted such an unattractive self', and won't be able to find somebody else that will accept me. This shit's pretty deep, and I reckon I'd only be able to really uncover this truth by getting therapy. But I don't have any intention of doing this at the minute because I'm pretty positive I know the problem-solution:

    Go take action: Repeatedly put myself in situations where there are plenty of opportunities to take action, and I'll eventually take action. Do this enough times, and I'll eventually get results and will be able to reflect and learn about myself and what motivates me. I spend too much time and energy intellectualizing this shit, and this just makes it all into a bigger problem and it therefore takes up more headspace, meaning it makes me more anxious. This problem is now flowing into other areas of my life: I'll be cooking/working-out/trying to sleep/trying to study and I'll be hoping this one girl messages me back, or will be trying to persuade myself to go into town and to approach. And because I put so much focus on approaching, it becomes more like something that I just cannot do, and this makes me even more anxious and frustrated and resentful.

    My 'fix' is to simply spend 10-30minutes every day walking about my University campus or town. Simply being around attractive girls and feeling that pressure to approach, I'll eventually take action. I'll be putting myself in situations where it will be harder to fail than it will to succeed (where success is defined by simply approaching). From this, I'll relieve the anxiety and will begin to fathom that I can approach, and will then slowly get better at it and will begin getting results.

    It's obvious that I currently have a great scarcity mindset, and am pedestalizing sex and women. Rather than trying to type my way to a solution, I aim to just get my ass out there, as that's the only time I feel a sense of relief, growth, and joy in this area of life.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

  6. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Oh, and the approaches last week were pretty standard, although I finally got a direct approach in which was the scariest, and therefore most memorable.

    Approach 1:
    Girl sat nearby. Complemented her style. 10-min interaction then had a lecture. Asked for her number directly (that made me fucking anxious), but she just gave it casually as if it were nothing, which surprised me.

    Approach 2:
    Direct. Told her I had to approach her as she caught my eye with her ginger hair. Let the conversation get awkward. She had a fella.

    Approach 3:
    2 girls in supermarket. Opened with a 'situational opener'. A few minute interaction which ended with her friend 'saving her'.

    Approach 4:
    2 girls in supermarket. Opened one complementing her style. 5 minute or so conversation. Let there be a lull in conversation where I gave her the opportunity to invest but got "well I better go", so I asked for her number. Rejected but got her IG. I reckon I talked too much and acted too needy. I was in my head and in a meh mindset and was really just trying to 'get another approach in', rather than actually try to connect with another human. I reckon I'm approaching this from too much of a logical perspective, rather than an emotional one.

    Also was supposed to have a date with Other Girl sunday, but she 'had to cancel'. Matched with a girl I went on a date with, and then ended up 'forgetting' about our second date when it came to an hour before the date. I have no intention of messaging her first, and will only date her if she pops up to me. This comes back to 'core values'. No matter my situation, I MUST have the ability to walk away - my power comes from my willingness to walk away, and I must walk away whenever I feel disrespected, doing otherwise shows a lack of self-respect, along with neediness/scarcity.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2018
  7. Kostadin

    Kostadin Active Member

    Rating points:
    159
    Action points:
    337
    Result points:
    270
    Nothing surprising. Girls give away their phones numbers and social networks profiles as if it is nothing, because they see you as another potential source of attention and validation.

    And I can totally relate to your point that the solution to your problem is taking action.

    If yours truly, who just 2 years ago was a hardcore video game player, a nerd, shy, skinny, known by the nickname "The Professor" did it, you can do it too.
     
  8. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    Life doesn't owe you shit. We're a generation that feels entitled to warm cake served on a golden platter with ice-cold milk. And when you think you are advanced in other facets of your life, that's nothing to what's to come. You're half-way there, always.


    That's what I tell myself.

    When you have a song on repeat, a song you don't like, you stop it. If you can't stop it right now, listen to it and accept it, things don't last. The good and the bad.

    I'm sure you've written this, knowing full well it made sense, only to wake up the next morning feeling absolutely worthless and disengaged. This can baffle and freeze your progress, but have fate in the process, even if it takes 5 or 10 years, every time you hack away at the branches, you strike at the the root, too.
     
  9. James

    James Host

    Understood, have to keep going with it then. One thing you can consider / look in to is widening the variety, since your issue seems one of discovery as well as action. The more randomness you can incorporate into your week, the better. E.g. you could drink at a local hostel one day (don't have to be a foreign guest to do so), or visit a comedy open-mike, or go ride a horse, etc. The more randomness you throw in from time to time, the more random the types of people you'll meet are.

    All seems basically on track though; it'll just take time.
     
  10. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 3.80.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 14 Oct 2018
     
  11. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  12. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Approaches 6 or 7 / 5.

    Met a guy who's "game aware" - or should I say "RSD aware" - on Monday. He's a guy I had some hopes for in regard to helping push me, and a guy I've met a couple of times for night-game already, and probably mentioned in a past update. We met to do some day-game, but he began rationalizing his way out of doing any approaches. I eventually left him and approached a girl, got myself to ask for the number. Few texts -> set up a time/day to meet -> "I'll let you know" -> Didn't let me know so I text and she's busy.

    I did a few other approaches where I allowed the 'deadly silence' to kick in, allowing the chance for her to invest, but was instead met with "Well I gotta go" or something to that extent - either that or I got "that's sweet but I have a boyfriend." One girl was in my CompSci class and was alone, got her number within a couple of minutes. Ghosted my text. No longer pursuing absolutely anything here as she says she has a boyfriend and she's also now part of my group.

    Last Sunday I scheduled out the hours for this week, and found myself to be more productive and somewhat less anxious overall. I set a certain time each day to game, and kept to this Monday-Thursday. Wednesday night I went out and felt chill as fuck, with no intention to game and I found I really enjoyed the chilled vibe I had - I noticed more IOIs from girls and this one bird (who I knew a couple of years a go from Uni) invited me to her party next Friday.

    On Wednesday I had Latin and Ballroom, and was in a poor, needy, emotional state. I was overwhelmed emotionally, for I was feeling anxious anyways, then had to learn this dance while holding this bird who was my partner, all while having "GAME" in the forefront of my mind. At the end I made an excuse to ask for her number, and she indirectly rejected me. I had a needy vibe and left the studio over-analyzing what had gone on and just felt like a burned out computer.

    This weekend I intended to get on top of loads of Uni stuff, but I've ceased to do any. I've instead dedicated some time to "finding my mission", in that I've done JP's UnderstandingMyself personality test and watched some YouTube videos and read some TRP articles on the topic of 'mission'. I've learned that I need some higher purpose to do stuff. Like, I feel like I've been doing this "Spin 2 Plates" shit out of feeling like I need to do it for whatever reason. I've felt like I've been doing it because, for whatever reason, it's what I should be doing. That I'm 'uncomfortable with my sexuality', and I need to spin plates to 'solve' this. The problem here is that I've been approaching and have been trying to "get" something from girls/take value from them - hence my needy vibe. I'll be in the library trying to study, and all I can think of is "APPROACH", and won't relieve this anxiety until the approach(es) has been done.

    I therefore wrote a decent amount regarding my values: I've had no fucking clue what my 'values' are. People say "your mission is a reflection of your values". How fucking ambiguous can you get? I therefore went about writing out the dream lifestyle I want. I don't even know how much I want it, but I just wrote something that sounds pretty cool to me. I now feel a little more at ease. I'd still like to intertwine my degree into this mid-/long-run 'mission', to help me see the point in putting in the hours of study and to reduce anxiety, so that's something I'll be doing over the next week.

    Some people can 'do things because they enjoy them', and can live on a week-by-week basis, but I guess I like to see a long-run purpose in doing what I'm doing, otherwise I feel I'm 'wasting time' or something. I don't see anything wrong with this, and happily accept it as part of my personality. The UnderstandingMyself results were a pretty accurate representation of myself as I currently am, and I learned from it that I do indeed differ from many people (just as everyone else does), and therefore that people have different motivations and require different criteria to be met in order to commit to things.

    One of the things I read this week is that:
    "The most attractive thing to women is a man on a mission...
    A man on a mission naturally treats women with the aloof alpha attitude and dominant frame that PUAs try to imitate. Picture a guy spending all day striving, sweating and bleeding for a mission, going home with his struggle still on his mind. A girl flakes or gives him some drama, does he even care?
    ...
    A man on a mission worships no girl. He puts his mission on a pedestal, not his girl.
    A man on a mission cannot be rejected by a girl because he derives his self-esteem from how well he is pursuing his mission, not from the actions of anybody else...
    To a guy who can’t get laid, shitty game is a symptom, not the disease. The root cause of all neediness, pedestalization, social anxiety, unworthiness, and lack of confidence is not having a mission.
    Next time you have a girl problem, ask yourself:
    Don’t I have something better to do?"


    Now, I agree with the above, and once felt a glimmer of 'strong frame and having a mission' when I first when about getting in my first LTR: I was attractive because I had shit going on in my life I was working toward and believed would help me find my long-term 'purpose': I was studying hard and doing out-of-Uni stuff as a means of getting a good internship. Then the girl game and it wasn't a big deal, for I had better shit going on.

    At the moment, particularly over the last week, girls have been taking up most of my headspace. It's such a big deal because I've made it such, and because I don't have something long-term to work toward. I understand that the 'mission' can completely change as you go, but recently (well, since I realized how little I enjoyed my placement), I've had nothing proper to work toward (excluding my physical goals) that takes up a decent chunk of time, and have therefore had fuck all to really get enthusiastic about and place value on.

    This next week I will work through Jordan Peterson's Self-Authoring suite, and will do more work to develop longer-term goals, what lifestyle I currently want for myself post-Uni, what I can do in the meantime to help acquire this lifestyle, and complete exercises to further understand myself (in regard to how my past has shaped me, how I can play to any strengths in my personality, etc., which I believe I may uncover from JP's exercises).

    I will put myself in scenarios I can approach, but aim to have more important things going on in my mind so that girls aren't nearly as much of a focus.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

  13. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 4.00.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 21 Oct 2018
     
  14. James

    James Host

    Try to put more screening into the number-getting bit. Getting the number itself isn't an achievement, but getting a number that'll go somewhere is. Easiest way to do this is to continue the interaction longer. You can generally tell from a woman's demeanor that she's just wanting you to go away, or she's interested in giving you more time. Dragging things on a bit longer will help force that answer then, rather than later in a number that ignores or fobs off messages. Much more time & emotion efficient.

    Can help for the right kind of girl, yes.
     
  15. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    I'm writing this on here because I value the views of @James and @Fundinn and - truthfully - because I cannot think of anybody who would listen non-judgementally:

    I'm going to put this goal on hold. My self-esteem is based on the external goal of female validation. I approached a Russian-model-looking girl the other day. Complete resting bitch face. Was very cold toward me and gave one-word answers to most of what I stated, assumed about her, and asked. I acted self-amused and stayed in the interaction. Eventually, I left as I noticed how it was just getting more uncomfortable and uncomfortable for her. After leaving, I felt bad. I was judging myself, and my mood just dipped completely. I'm saying this because my state of mind is currently an unhealthy one. I've been NoFap for 2 weeks, haven't drunk alcohol or binged for a few weeks either. Last night I broke these three streaks - the drinking was the cause of the other two (2.5 pints of beer in total - apparently enough). I had a good night and was comfortable dancing and getting people on the dancefloor - most of these people I've only spoken to once before or not at all. I was being confident and felt good, but as soon as I got home I just felt bad due to not having gotten with a girl or made a move on this one girl.

    Waking up this morning, I realize I need a change. I'm still doing my Instagram clothes thing, and now realize that I put a lot of attention toward how I dress as a means of making up for the insecurity I have about myself. I aim to dress better than others and keep my body language in check so I appear confident and attract girls by these means.

    "So just cultivate abundance by hitting your goal and you'll be fine."

    The point is that there's something not right mentally. I'm currently reading The Only Way To Win and downloaded A New Earth on Audiobook this morning. I'm going to sell most of what I own and focus on trying to develop some 'mission' that is a reflection of my values and principles - whatever my values and principles may be. I realize that I only want a 1st in my degree due to how it's just what I expect of myself (for whatever reason this may be), and because I feel I need to get this grade so my parents don't think poorly of me. I'm doing Computer Science because, when applying for Uni, it appeared a sensible option; I have no intention of going into this industry and don't want to be employed long-term. I already know that, on the day of graduation, even if I do get a first-class honours degree, I'll simply be aloof and won't care for what I've 'achieved', for it won't mean much to me.

    Thinking about it rationally, getting a new item in the post - no matter its worth - doesn't excite me or add value to my life. It instead only adds a small amount of anxiety due to: how it will take up more space; I know I'll have to re-sell it; I get anxious about how to style it and if it will be coherent with my wardrobe. I've stated these exact reasons for why I'm getting rid of stuff in my last 'de-clutter' goal, so obviously, this is a reflection of some of my values, and I've let my addictions get the better of me again, without realizing it.

    I am over-analytical and I probably do put too much pressure on myself.. but how I'm living isn't helping me in any way, and I currently don't know how to "just stop over-thinking things" or whatever 'advice' people may throw my way. I'm getting up at 5 am, getting to the gym for 6:15 after a cold-shower, meditating and reading a little Zen sometimes. I'll then eat my day's calories and, if not getting distracted, will get on with Uni work. Between my times in lectures, I'll spend good chunks of time at the library working. Seems disciplined and healthy? I don't feel much joy at all from it. Why is this? Fuck knows. I don't state my routine to show off, but instead because, if anybody told me that this was how they were living, I'd usually assume they'd be living a joyous life where they're fuelled by their consistent self-improvement... But I don't feel such joy. I don't think selling my shit will resolve much/anything, but I believe it will help me stop forming my identity based on what I own, and will help declutter my mind and help me understand myself and what I want more so.

    I would still like to spin plates, travel, and have a kickass body. Damn-right I want these things for myself. But I have to get my head screwed-on correctly. I'm not going to just avoid girls and not approach, but I cannot be basing my sense of worth on female validation and how many approaches I do in a day.

    In "The Only Way To Win", it states how many people chase external achievement in hope that it will bring them joy. People chase things because society (family, schooling, the internet (TRP in my case)) tells them to. Damn, if I could tell myself a couple of years ago: "Luke, not so long will you be able to approach beautiful women and one time you'll get their number and they'll send you pictures of themselves and want to meet you" (this happened once while travelling a couple of months back), then I'm sure my response would be "Wow, I bet I'll be so happy and feeling successful when I can do this!" The reality is that, whenever I 'achieve' something in this regard, I feel temporary joy, which dissipates almost instantly, and is replaced by the need to want more, to want something 'better' and more out-of-reach. "You approached that attractive model and went on an instant-date? Well, it means nothing unless you fuck her" is basically how the progression goes.

    I think I'd like to see a psychologist or something, just to help me align my thoughts and give me some guidance, but I'm very, very apprehensive about putting my trust in somebody who will tell me about myself and psychology and what course of action to take. I feel like I'd only trust a psychologist who's a typically 'alpha' guy. This is probably because of the amount of TRP I've read and how much of an effect it's had on me mentally. I believe I'd like some kind of spiritual teacher, as I realize I'm very much interested in spirituality and all that sorta jazz.

    Some 'goals' that come to mind:
    1. Get most of my shit listed for sale and rid of.
    2. Read The Power of Now, A New Earth, and The Only Way To Win.
    3. Understand what I genuinely value in life and form some sort of future lifestyle that reflects such values.
    4. Flesh out a means of arriving at this lifestyle.

    I don't believe just having some certain type of lifestyle will fix much/anything, but I do believe that learning to become present and actually living a completely congruent life where the most important thing is to live with complete integrity (which means finding out my values), will help me experience joy. I'm grateful that I've learned that just chasing extrinsic achievement won't bring me joy, and I now aim to learn how to 'enjoy the process'.
     
  16. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: Goal update is due.

    Please submit an update on your goal progress.
     
  17. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709

    Goal Update

    Approaches: 3/5

    Gonna meet girl last weekend. She flaked.
    Approached girl at train-crossing. Good interaction, however, we had to go separate ways so it ended: next time I should tell her to wait and keep the interaction going then close, for I used the difference in destinations an excused to leave the interaction.
    Approached Russian-looking bird. Did well to stay in interaction for so long after she showed no signs of interest.
    Approached stylish girl. Interaction went fine but again, I didn't communicate my intention so it fell apart.

    Also opened a couple of conversations the other day at the gym, 2 with these attractive girls. Feels good getting to talk to people at the gym and every now-and-again people will actually open me with "hey man" or something, which is nice and makes me realize how much I value social interaction.
     

    Voting on this update has closed.

  18. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    It gives off a vibe of your needs passing second to hers when I read this. When you think about it, you don't even know her.

    If as you say, she was stunning, then in the words of Rollo:
    "the rarity of any one encounter is compared against the frequency with which guys are hitting on her".

    And again by Rollo:
    "Let me be the first to establish that discomfort is part of understanding; truth is supposed to make you uncomfortable in order to inspire you to action.

    You are smart enough to figure out how to get her out of your system.

    Since I've been there, all I'm gonna say is that this is a dead end. Don't do it for your parents. Make your intentions clear.*

    In my young twenties I had a good amount of resentment towards my parents, but I realized later I dis-empowered myself by putting my decision on their shoulders. It's dumb, and the only thing holding you back is a conversation with them and the leap of faith you might have to make to do something different(which hopefully you have an idea of).

    * Gary is kind of black and white, which I'm sometimes skeptical of, but he's done the work and most of it is sound advice.

    Historically speaking, Buddha went into the jungle, stopped showering, practiced extreme asceticism even ate his own shit and after several weeks, on the verge of death, he realized this was a dumb road to follow.
    I take cold showers, and meditate, and I'm up early 6 days a week, but I don't feel like it's punishment, it could be right for me, wrong for you*. If you feel like your whooping your ass, perhaps you need to step down the gas a bit. And what you consider to be hard, or 'disciplined' might be the standard day to day life of an average Chinese factory worker. It's going to take fine-tuning.

    *I have friends who are productive till 4AM and they sleep till 11-1PM. It suits them, I tried and it didn't suit me. We all get the job done anyways.

    If it had a start, it will have an end. Mountains have valleys between them, that's what makes them Mountains. It's incorrect, to believe that an experience that is ending should make you feel bitter and you wanting more. If you think about this relationship you will notice that it's actually quite alright for things to end. Imagine if you hit your knee on a table corner and and the pain latest forever? How awful would that be? You have your cake because it will end. Otherwise it wouldn't even enter your mouth. It wouldn't have existed.

    Don't really need to know. There's an old saying: "If you put a rock on a patch of grass, the grass will stop growing. But the moment you remove the rock, the grass will start growing again".

    I won't get into the details, but most of our life, and our experiences are a double-bind. You get hit for doing it right, to encourage you, and you get hit for doing it wrong to correct you. Either way, you get hit, so accept it.

    About the psychologist, I guess looking up their credentials and being skeptical is decent enough. I personally knew friends who studied to become psychologists and they were sensitive individuals who were genuinely trying to understand who they were, to relieve the pain of other human beings. It takes a long time to become one too, so I think that it's fair to say that most of them are qualified. Surely, there are exceptions, but that's that. Obviously, it can be expensive.

    Final note, if you haven't watched the Tao of Steve, it's worth a watch, might cheer you up too. I think it's a fucking hilarious movie.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2018
  19. James

    James Host

    To be fair she was a Russian-model-looking girl. Very few of us could expect a different response.

    I'm reminded of how Buddhist temples ban women from entering areas the monks inhabit, under the simple rule "out of sight, out of mind", so they can focus on other things. I might apply that same rule to TRP. Constantly reading that specific and repeating monotone screed can only cause you to frame your life around it, in the same way religious extremists frame everything in their lives around their religious teachings -- simply because it's always presented to and therefore on their mind.

    So might be worth visiting a church or temple or in some way shutting out the internet at least some part of the week, to let your brain cool off.
     
  20. Gort

    Gort Robot

    Notification: The previous update has been rated.

    The score was: 3.00.

    Your next progress update will come due on Sun, 28 Oct 2018
     

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