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Sup Bois. Tom here.

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Tom, Dec 19, 2017.

Goal: Crushing approach anxiety allowing me to reliably approach girls. by January 31, 2018 (finished)

 

Canceled

Member Tom commits to the following actions to achieve this goal

Day game twice a week, boosting numbers of approaches to 10.

  1. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Goal Approval

    Sup.

    Standard 22 years old student who played video games 10 hours a day throughout uni with minimal success with women (If I didn't have female flatmates I would have gone days without any female presence). Even after smashing tinder for 7 months I'm still getting very poor success despite over 10,000 girls swiped right.

    Plan is to be reliably able to direct approach at least 10 girls per day game session SOLO (this is key, it's easier with a wing). Gives me abundance away from self esteem crushing tinder.

    Skipping the brainstorming a bit, but open for suggestions on more realistic goals ect.

    Went out today. Managed one approach. Was easy as she had an against animal testing bag (I'm a loony veggie). Turned out she was a 4/10 UK college student (16/17) so I bailed........ Past a few 7.5s and wimped out. This is what I need to address.

    Money and grades decent. Physique: getting there. Women: none existent.

    - Tom
     
  2. James

    James Host

    Congratulations on being the first person to start a goal here :)

    On the goal, it's missing measurable. It's not clear how a voter can rate your result (1 to 5 stars) when your goal completes, because "can now reliably approach girls" is too vague. If you could make it more detailed what "reliably approaching girls" means to you, and how you'd be able to show that's achieved to the community, the goal is good to go.

    For instance, if there is a type of approach you can't do yet because of your anxiety (but want to), mention it. Then giving a field report of doing that type of approach (assuming you succeed in doing so) could be presented in your final result submission.

    Also the action needs clarifying for "boosting". You need to state by which week you'll be up to 10 approaches per week; otherwise we don't know if you mean this week, or "eventually".

    So I'll admin-vote to reject the goal, so you can edit and resubmit it. You can edit in Thread Tools -> Edit Goal.
     
  3. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Good points. Change of plan - going to do a brainstorming post. First time setting a proper goal in life, think I need a hand. Just planning out my brainstorm post. Should appear in the women section soon.
     
  4. James

    James Host

    OK, sounds good.
     
  5. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

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    Don't set yourself up for failure.

    It may be much harder than you think to go from very little to approaching attractive girls twice a week. If you are able to do this, then I commend your efforts. However, it may be more realistic to set smaller goals such as making conversation with 3 cashiers a few times a week, stopping 5 attractive girls and asking a simple question, etc.. This way, you'll more easily hit these small goals, and will feel more motivated towards achieving more difficult goals. Of course, as you hit these smaller goals, you slowly amp up the difficulty.
     
  6. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Yeah, sadly 10 approaches solo seems like a damn mountain right now. I could do 5 indirect approaches a day, with the potential for switching it to a conversation? 'hey, do you know where x is? [reply] Wow, you said that with so much confidence, i take it you know this place well bla bla bla....

    Seem legit? I've started a brainstorm in the women section.
     
  7. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    Hi Tom, welcome to the forum.

    As a hardcore gamer from the age of 16 to 21; I feel ya. Quitting video games was a hard fought battle, but it is worth it. It might have damaged your social skills a little bit, but it's only a matter of consistent practice, the same way you play a new game; you can learn to navigate around the real world in the same way.

    As for your goal, it looks like @James gave you very good instructions(and I see you started something in the brainstorming section, well done). I think that the smaller it is, the easier it will be to get a dopamine hit from successfully achieving it. It doesn't sound good when you say "seems like a damn mountain right now". That's an indication that you might want to re-evaluate your first steps. It's easy to get discouraged when we set ourselves up for failure or very hard goals. Think of "hard mode" in games, it usually isn't the one you train in.
     
  8. James

    James Host

    Indeed, this is why "approval pending" goals have a "Doable yet Challenging" vote button (not just Challenging): i.e. not easy, but not "hard mode" either.
     
  9. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Worst decision of my life to download dota 2 in UK college.

    100%. It's left me shy, awkward with sexual interaction and poorly calibrated: I can be like a machine gun. Loud and on fully auto.

    On it with a new one. This week - 2 day game sessions (probably morph my last minute xmas shopping in with it) this week. 4 indirect approaches with leading to a conversation if it feels right. Should get me started.
     
  10. James

    James Host

    Fortunately, it works both ways. Go full social for a few years, and you'll be left socially smooth, possibly charismatic, and definitely amply laid; but you'll also end up crap at video games. Fair trade if you ask me.
     
    Jack likes this.
  11. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Might have to reconsider my goal....... ;)
     
  12. Jack

    Jack Member

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    Holy shit can I empathise with this, I never thought it might be linked to gaming but the fact you experienced the same thing...

    What's interesting to me is self improvement like your goal kind of replaces the same hit you used to get from gaming, once you start down the path the problem kind of solves itself. Well that's been my experience at least, it's getting started that was the real challenge.
     
  13. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Holy shit I think you're right xD

    Playing women is my next video game? xD Pretty sure women have a steeper learning curve.......
     
  14. James

    James Host

    And much higher payoff :)
    You don't get any lingering-for-days "that just happened?" sentiments from video games.
     
  15. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    With video games you get the where the fuck did my summer holidays and year go? xD
     
    James likes this.
  16. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Just an update. Wasn't sure where was best for it. Putting in 8 hour minimum days on my masters. It's due in the 10 May. I've put everything on standby.

    I'll be back on the 16th May with more goals. Sorry for inactivity. I WILL be back.
     
    Kostadin, James and Shaney96 like this.
  17. James

    James Host

    Good stuff. Your progress since you arrived was awesome. Smash that masters.
     
  18. Tom

    Tom Active Member

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    Cheers man. Just didn't want the bois to think I was bailing.
     
  19. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

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    Great Tom, keep it up!
     

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