1. GoGetters Community is no longer actively maintained, and will be closing down in the future. Thankyou for your participation in this project. [ Details ]
    Dismiss Notice

Brainstorming Surround myself with the best

Discussion in 'Misc' started by Fundinn, Aug 15, 2018.

  1. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    I would like some input on what I can do to develop relationships with driven or interesting people. Here are a couple of leads:
    • I went to a Landmark seminar(leadership program) two weeks ago. I don't know why, but I felt like it was a sect or a scheme to make money. I met very interesting people, but most of them have gone through serious shit, they look damaged or sensitive, but willing to change or have gone through changes. I don't know if dropping 700$ on a three-day program makes any sense. One of the men , 'Bob', is a professional speaker. I exchanged information with him. He run's a gogetters club in real-life in various parts of the city. I told him I wanted the details, he's on vacation, but he said he would send them my way asap afterwards. Don't know what this could lead to.
    • I go to the Zen Temple once a week to meditate. No one really encourages anyone to do anything. It's very much an "at your pace" atmosphere. I want to ask them about any kind of mentoring they might offer, some of the teachers have been meditating for forty years, so they might be good reflectors of how I feel and what I can do about it.
    • I know the owner of a restaurant who's got a lot of influence, I like his values, but I only really meet him twice a year, he's pretty busy. Trying to figure out what I could do to grab a beer with him. I'm not exactly sure too about talking about vulnerability with him. He's real good with anything related to relationships though.
    • My team at work is mostly introverted(IT...). Our lead is very assertive though, so I'm kind of observing him, but I find myself pretty assertive as well. I haven't found or connected without anyone influential at work, kind of worrying. I might start asking more questions to people to get a better picture of who they are though.
    • I don't have a coach at the boxing club, and I feel rather untouchable, been there for 5 years and people praise my technique, I try to set a good example, I've created an online group for the serious Level 1 boxers and we keep in touch, but it seems like were all dealing with nervousness when sparring on and off, so I can't say I've seen anything yet here.
    • Can't think of anything else right now, they say you attract what you are, when I look at my work ethic versus that of my roommates I've par none, but I'm not very public about my feats. Lately, I've been exceptionally secretive, no one knows what I'm up to. I could be lifting a mountain on a given day and wouldn't tell anyone. I don't think this is bad, but people have a hard time connecting with me, obviously I don't tell them much.
    • There's this hustling lawyer I know, he's burning through 70+ hour weeks, not that I find his life great, but he's very solid, I sent him an invitation, but he's gone on vacation for two weeks, I said I'd touch base with him again soon.
    Anyhow, I kind of wrote this down and I'm hoping I can act out on each point with a goal. I'm not exactly sure what it will look like, but I do believe in the power of a group. I don't have anyone in my life who knows where I want to go and who is giving me any support, so that sucks.
     
  2. James

    James Host

    Is it a question of the city you're in? There's a tendency for the ambitious to flock to population centers, or to cities that offer benefits to them (e.g. startup incubators).

    For the boxing, sounds like your pond is too small -- there's no one to stretch you anymore (probably because of city). With the roommates: it's because they're roommates. Successful men don't live with other men: they get their own place (which I think you mentioned looking into yourself, did you end up buying it?).

    The problem with the secretiveness is it will prevent you gaining rapport with any strong men you do meet. Start forcing yourself to express more about what you do. A few things will happen: it will start to alienate non-like minded people, pushing them away from you (and you them); and it will allow you to be relatable to any ambitious people you meet (or alternatively: they'll freely call you out on not being ambitious enough, which is also valuable).

    The other thing is going where they go. E.g.: golf, business launches, airport premium lounges, conferences, specific events. Another technique I heard is just going to the higher end hotel lobbies esp. in the early morning: generally a lot of movers and shakers around that time, and just being among that can feel inspirational, you can overhear things they say, etc.
     
  3. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    I empathize with @Fundinn here. I guess too much modesty can simply restrict the cultivation of any sort of relationship, so it's less about being secretive, and more about ensuring you're delivering enough information without coming across as arrogant/stuck-up.

    I definitely think just sparking up conversation with a few teachers will bear some fruit. Not only could they offer sound advice, but I imagine they'd be pretty attractive people mentally also. Furthermore, it's pretty dope you've got a Zen temple you can just go to chill at where people congregate to meditate.

    How about arranging a night out by getting when everyone's free? Your assertiveness and how you're respected (I assume so due to how you feel rather untouchable) will help reduce rejection, and I imagine some beginnings of friendships could spout from this.
     
  4. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    I don't believe so. Montreal is kind of the New York of Canada. It's not Toronto, but the city is known for being a mecha for technology in AI, Aeronautics and Video Games among other things. There are talented individuals working in very creative fields.

    There are at least 5 other guys who would give me a run for my money. I talked to the owner of the club on Friday and he said that if he is to work with me, I'm going to need to show up three times a week to his class and that being their on my own doesn't count. It was an uncomfortable situation, but I made a big step forward in this regard. He's quite intimidating. He smells hesitancy and only invests himself if he see's you want it bad enough. It's up to me to show that.

    I just wrote an update to that old goal I had on financial independence. I must be patient for a couple of months, but I am going to own a place.

    You are right. I've been teased a couple of times when I did that because people think "I'm perfect", which is far from the truth, but I believe they said that because they don't have the guts to make a change in their lives. Kind of like when I decide not to indulge in heavy-drinking at a party and people call me a wimp(it's a tease, but it doesn't change the fact).

    Never heard of that, very cool. I will make a point of looking at conferences and other events that attract interesting people. I've been wary lately of people who have the "courage" to talk about their problems, but they act like victims and do nothing about it. It's almost worse and I find that some events are attract these people.

    I recently won a contest to attend a brunch with a biologist and other people to talk about what we can do to improve our health in the city, that was unexpected. I'm also going to specifically ask for any kind of mentoring at the Zen Center, I've been avoiding this question with them.
     
  5. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    Last Friday I walked into the boxing Club's owner office and told him: "I heard people are sparring tonight.". He replied: "If you have a question coming into my office ask me directly, you can't just invite yourself to my sparring sessions? Do you understand that?". I knew right there and then that he was that hard mother-#ucker I wanted to see. So I went on and said: "I want to spar tonight", it was a long 5 minute conversation, but I cleared some fog out and I'm glad I did. I gotta be clear about what I want.

    I've decide to look less busy, but you know, when at the boxing club I'm not there to fuck around. I'll see to find a healthy middle. Last Wednesday after the workout I decided to sit down on a bench and two girls from the club came talking to me. It didn't matter, but I did see that by taking a time off, I was more available.
     
    James likes this.
  6. Shaney96

    Shaney96 Active Member

    Rating points:
    94
    Action points:
    634
    Result points:
    709
    Sounds like a good guy who doesn't take shit and won't be walked over.

    This guy sounds like a fucking top bloke. Anyone who'll call you out on your bullshit or push you to be a better version of yourself is someone worth keeping around, generally speaking.
     
    James likes this.
  7. James

    James Host

    That kind of crap indicates exactly why you're brainstorming this goal. They sound like straight up wet socks.

    There's a lot of tricks to it. Another I like is: the average person who reads Forbes magazine has a net worth of around $400k while people who read the Robb Report is $4M. No "mortal" has ever heard of the Robb Report, because it's targeted to that niche, so it never comes up on their radar. But things like that, when you discover them, give you access to their mindset, what they're thinking about, etc. I'm sure there are equivalents in other fields, but it requires expensive active research, because anything that comes up on the internet gets immediately ruined, so people keep things quiet.

    It's about 95% of people. Starting this place has proven to me that that number isn't even close to an exaggeration. Winners never complain; they're too busy at the coal face. The losers are only looking to assuage.

    This is the biggest problem with it. I remember many years ago when I decided to mix things up, attending meetups & improv, a common recommendation for meeting new people. The problem was: 90% of the people were there because they were recommendees. They were the kinds of cases that you recommend that "getting out there" stuff to. Motley crew was an understatement. My guess was about 60% of them would've been on some kind of antidepressant. The vibe was depressing as hell and after 2 weeks I never went back again, even though I'd paid for like 8 weeks.

    The less recommended something is for the wrong kind of people, the better it is for the right kind of people.

    There's a few things you can do to improve the quality of events & their clientele: secret, it's not listed on the internet, and it takes talking to someone to know about it; expensive, an amazingly good screen; familiarity, if it's recommended commonly, it's a bottom-of-the-barrel place; difficulty, if it's easy to attend, you'll get those kind of people, but if requires climbing gear to get there, the dudes you'll meet there will be beasts.

    Indeed. "If you don't ask, you don't get."
     
  8. Fundinn

    Fundinn Active Member

    Rating points:
    44
    Action points:
    207
    Result points:
    304
    Thanks for the feedback @James and @Shaney96, giving myself a couple of hours over the weekend to figure this out and go from there with a goal.
     
    James likes this.

Share This Page